


Lakeside State Of Mind

by among_the_wildflowers



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, M/M, also kind of pete and lynn, but not really, just read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2020-05-28 14:36:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 32,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19396171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/among_the_wildflowers/pseuds/among_the_wildflowers
Summary: As a kid, summer is the best time to relax and have fun. When you grow up, things get a lot more complicated.The camp counselor AU no one asked for but you have it now.





	1. Chapter 1

Pete tied a bandana around his neck - bright blue to symbolize which team he would be leading. Being a camp counselor wasn’t his dream job but he did really enjoy it. The kids were cool and he didn’t mind some time away from the city. He watched the school buses pull up outside the main hall used for meetings and meals then all the kids, aged six to ten, flooded out. He smiled at the other four group leaders, he knew Gabe and Hayley from last year but the other two were new. The kids all lined up at a table and were given a name tag and a color, the first few kids given blue name tags wandered over to Pete. He introduced himself and gathered the group before the camp leaders took the stage to talk about camp rules, schedules, and housing. The kids were all excited for the first activity, though, so lord knew none of them were listening to Bill’s instructions as to where the cabins were, which meant Pete would have to help most of them find their cabins. Just as he expected, most of the kids wandered off aimlessly, clinging to their friends for help, and Pete had to show most of them where their cabin number was on the back of their name tag and then where that cabin was. Once he couldn’t see any more lost campers, he walked down to the lake and pulled off his shirt. He elbowed Hayley and grinned.

“Hey, stranger. Ready to lose to the blue team again?”

She laughed and half-hugged him “red team will get its revenge this year. Fuck off.”

“Ready for chaos?” He asked, glancing back as the first kids started racing out of their cabins and into the lake. Pete nodded at the lifeguard and hoped to god they were good at their job, chaos was going to be an understatement. The new counselors were still changing, something anyone who had worked there before knew to do in advance, so there would be a while where Hayley, Gabe, and Pete had to run things. Pete reminded a few kids that ran past him to put on sunscreen and Hayley walked over to a couple of girls standing near the water’s edge. Gabe was monitoring (and possibly participating in) a splash contest on the dock. One of the new counselors, the leader of Green Team by the color of her bandana, walked over to him “hey, I’m Lynn. You’ve done this before, right?”

“Yeah, this is my third year. Pete.” He shook her hand and smiled.

“Anything we’re supposed to do now? They don’t exactly give us many instructions.” She laughed but she was clearly a little nervous, Pete had been there too.

“Just make sure they’re having fun and not drowning. This part is pretty easy. Want to walk with me and make sure no one is crying?”

She gave him a curious look but nodded. Pete spotted a couple of kids standing nervously by the water’s edge and walked over “don’t want to go swimming?” he asked and they almost jumped out of their skin. They all looked at each other for someone to answer, a redhead girl finally stammered out an answer “i-is it true that worms can climb into your ears in lakes?”

Pete laughed and shook his head “who told you that? This is an ear-worm free lake. I promise. Right, Lynn?” He glanced back at her and she nodded a little too quickly, caught off guard.

“You guys head in, it’s way too hot to be on land. You’ll have plenty of time to hang out on the beach tonight at the bonfire.” The group slowly walked into the water, still a little hesitant but not enough to argue with an adult. One girl stayed, though, and grabbed Pete’s hand. He recognized her from inside the dining hall, she was on the blue team.

“Everything okay?” He kneeled down to get on her level. Lynn had been called in by the rest of the group.

“If my hair gets wet it gets really big… I can’t brush it then…” Poor kid. Pete remembered hating rain until he was in high school because he could never fix his hair without product or his mom’s help. 

“So does mine. Can I see that?” He pointed to the scrunchie around her wrist. She handed it over and he pulled her hair back into a bun “you can come find me if it gets wet and I’ll help you brush it.”

She hugged him before running into the water after her friends. It was hard being one of the only non-white kids, he knew that too well, the camp was getting better, though. Every year it felt like there were more people from different backgrounds, it made Pete happy to see so many different people getting along, it was so different from the childhood he had. He wandered back to the dock and sat down on the edge, tossing a stick at Gabe to get his attention “hey, man.”

Gabe spun around and grinned, he swam back over and pulled himself up before hugging Pete. “Dude, I missed you. I’ve got so much to tell you.”

Pete leaned back against the pillar and grinned “like what?” Gabe always had the best stories.

“Well, I got a girlfriend. She’s so fucking sweet, man, gonna suck being away. Almost didn’t come this year but she’s got work and stuff all summer so… you still a bachelor?”

“Yeah,” Pete replied, kicking his knee gently “don’t rub it in.”

“This is the best place to be single, though. Too bad the lifeguard working today is a dude. Last year’s green counselor was more your type, though, right?”

“Oh god,” he sighed “don’t talk about Ashlee.”

“Talk about a hot mess.”

“She wasn’t that bad…”

“Didn’t she take your swimming and conveniently lose her bathing suit?”

Pete blushed at the memory, that had been a good night “yeah, there was that…”

“Have you met the new counselors?”

“One of ‘em. Green. She’s cool, seems kind of lost, though.”

“You’d like Travie. He’s got yellow this year. We went to high school together.”

“He’s used to babysitting irresponsible children then?”

Gabe rolled his eyes “fuck off, man. You’re right, but still, fuck off.”

“What’s the pink team up to after this?” Pete asked, picking a plastic bottle out of the water and setting it on the dock to throw away later.

“Paintball. Blue?”

“Horseback riding.” Horseback riding was notoriously the worst activity. The guides always either hated kids or just had no idea how to control them and someone always ended up lost, crying, or both.

“Damn. Whoever they hired this year better not yell at them. You remember last year?”

“I try not to. He was an asshole.”

“Paintball is the best, though, at least you’ll have it tomorrow” Gabe got up and took Pete’s hand to help him up. It was almost time for them to head back into the common room. They had an hour while the kids showered and rested before they had to help set up for dinner and then s’mores.

“Hey, you bring your guitar this year?”

Pete walked with him and put his shirt back on “yeah, why?”

“Campfire songs, man!” Gabe grabbed his shoulder and grinned.

“You’re such an idiot. No.”

Gabe flaked out on the couch once they were in the counselor's room of the common room. They were the first ones there so Pete took the next best armchair and turned on the tv. He didn’t bother changing it off a rerun of last night’s basketball game. They were joined by Hayley soon after, Lynn and Travie found their way in after a few minutes as well. Pete smiled at Travie and shook his hand, making a quick introduction.

“How long do we have before we have to do anything?” Lynn asked.

“45 minutes.” Gabe pointed to the schedule hanging on the door “bonfire’s are easy, though, so long as you don’t lose anyone on the walk there or during the activity, you’ll be fine”

“Depends on the activity.” Hayley added, “all my group is doing is painting t-shirts.”

“Do they use, like, real arrows in archery?...” Lynn asked, seeming half joking and half terrified.

“Yeah but don’t worry, they’re really dull and you don’t have to do much. They have special people to help with that so archery days are pretty easy.” Pete didn’t mind archery but it was nice when he had more to do. “What do you have, Travie?”

“Um, rock climbing, I think.” He checked his phone “yeah.”

Gabe, Hayley, and Pete and looked at each other and smiled “fucking lucky.” Gabe complained “I don’t have it until Thursday. Rock climbing is the best.”

Pete propped his feet up and leaned back in his chair, kind of watching the tv but mainly just letting himself drift off. A soft knock on the door woke him up after a few minutes, though. Gabe opened the door so Pete closed his eyes again until Gabe called his name “one of yours wants to see you.”

He got up and yawned before walking over to the door. It was the girl from before and he smiled “thanks, man, I got it.” He closed the door again behind him as he left and smiled at her “hey. Did you have fun at the lake?”

She grinned and bounced on her toes “yeah! Chloe knows how to skip stones and she tries to teach me but I couldn’t get it. I think she just took all the good rocks though.” She pushed a bright orange hairbrush into his hand and sat down on the bench. Pete smiled and took her hair down like he used to with his sister. “And then Jack caught a frog and let me hold it.” Her name tag was back on now - “Kaela.” He brushed and braided her hair quickly. Travie came out and sat on the bench next to him, giving him a knowing look. “Traitor. No yellow team allowed.” He mumbled to the other councilor.

“Neutral territory.” He grinned and stretched.

Pete finished Kaela's braids and sent her back to her cabin before turning to Travie. “So what’s up?”

“Not much, man, so far things are pretty smooth.”

“Seems pretty cool here. So how many other people work here?”

“On any day there can be, like, fifty or so, including the chefs and bus drivers and stuff. It’s a big place.”

He whistled “clearly. I never did a summer camp like this, my parents always said it was just for spoiled white kids”

Pete laughed “tell me about it. It used to be worse, though. I used to be considered a huge step forward for them”

“And you are…?”

“Mixed. I’m glad they’ve got someone else to look up to, though.”

“You mean someone who’s actually black?

“Not really what I was going for but…” Pete wouldn’t lie to himself, that stung a bit.

“Sorry, you probably get that a lot…”

Pete shrugged “a bit, yeah.”

“Dick move, my bad, man. Can we start over?”

“Consider it forgiven.”

Travie smiled at him “back to being enemies?”

“Oh yeah, you’re going down.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Alright, everyone line up and watch your step,” Pete said, turning around to look at his group.

He had about twenty kids to look after and the first day was always hard. There were the kids that were homesick, scared of nature, the trouble makers who wanted to run off into the woods or make fun of the other campers, and just the clueless kids who would get lost; and he very quickly had to learn who fit into each category or someone would end up lost or upset. With horseback riding, he was supposed to hand them off the instructor and be done with it but that was never how it worked. See, in theory, getting a well-trained equestrian instead of an educator would be great but it usually meant they weren’t used to people who didn’t know the first thing about horses, were scared of them, or didn’t care. When the stables came into view Pete could already tell his group would be interesting. A few outgoing kids picked up the pace while others slowed the pace, letting Pete know he had some who had decided horses were big and thus, probably ate children. He gave a group that was hanging back a bit more a reassuring smile “alright, everyone, just remember to listen to the instructor and remember the stable rules:”

He waited a minute before the mumbled and overlapped reply of “no running, no yelling” slowly came. That would do for now. “Right, good enough. If you stay calm and listen to directions, the horses will be good. You just don’t want to spook them.”

“Horses are prey animals,” said a voice behind Pete. He spun around to see a man, probably around his early twenties like most of the counselors, wearing jeans and a camp t-shirt. He set down a pitchfork and smiled at the kids, this guy was off to a good start. “When they get scared, they run away, so as long as you’re calm and quiet, they’ll be good. Can everyone line up by height, shortest to tallest?”

Pete smiled and extended his hand while the kids struggled to figure their line out “Pete. Nice to meet you, man.”

The other man took off his baseball cap and shook his hand “Patrick. Any tips? I was told you’re the veteran counselor here.”

“You’re already doing better than most instructors. I guess just keep an eye on everyone. I’ll help if anyone freaks out.”

Patrick nodded before gesturing for the kids to follow him “everyone stay in your line and we’ll go to your horses. We’re not going to complain about the horse your get or try and trade, they’re all good and it’s important you keep the same horse all camp so they get to know you and trust you.”

The horses were all lined up on the fence, already tacked and with their names painted onto the fence. Getting each kid onto their horses and managing the people who wanted a different horse was a pain, but Patrick was actually a big help. He knew the horses and told each kid about them as he helped them into the saddle. Once they were on and as stable as they’d get, Patrick took Pete to two horses that were hitched in the stable instead of with everyone else's “it’s up to you today since we’re just in the arena but I got one ready for you if you want to get on.” He lifted himself into the saddle of a large chestnut horse and smiled again.

Pete was pretty sure he didn’t have the same grace as Patrick as he got on but he made it up, which was pretty impressive considering his height versus the grey horse he’d been given. “Can I ask a dumb question?”

Patrick nodded as he got his horse walking, Pete’s following without him even asking.

“Why does your saddle look different from everyone else’s”

  
Patrick turned around in his saddle so he was sitting backward, something Pete was sure he’d fall off if he tried to do “I ride western. I can do either but this is my horse and she doesn’t know English.”

Pete nodded and Patrick turned back around when they came back into the arena. The horses were well trained for the camp, they wouldn’t move no matter how much the children kicked and clicked at them until Patrick was in the arena with them, then they started walking along the rail. “Watch your spacing everyone! You want two whole horse lengths between you and the person in front of you so no one gets spooked and kicks.”

Pete watched for a minute and once he decided no one was crying, he looked back at Patrick “how long have you been riding?”

Patrick smiled and leaned back “pretty much forever. My dad has a farm a few hours north of here.”

“What’s your horse’s name?” Pete bit the inside of his cheek, somehow feeling like that was a childish question but he wanted to know.

Patrick smiled, though, “Madonna. ‘Cause she’s dramatic.”

Pete laughed and leaned down to scratch behind his horse’s ear “what’s mine’s name?”

“That’s Asher. He’s good but I save him for the counselors because he’s got a bit of an attitude when he’s tired.”

“Glad to know you have so much faith in me.”

Patrick was back to watching the kids again, making sure everyone was still safe, and Pete felt something tighten in his chest. He was always a little nervous on the first day, or maybe he was just out of shape and not used to this much physical activity or something.

When they got back to the dining hall for lunch, Pete found the rest of the counselors already there. “Hey, ready for an afternoon off?”

“Definitely,” Hayley said between bites of her pasta. That afternoon’s activity was a field trip to the park’s ranger station where the kids could see the animals in their rehab sanctuary. The park’s rangers were in charge of them during that which meant the counselors could take some time off. If it were later in the week, Pete would probably spend the time napping but it was still early enough that he wasn’t worn out yet.

“You up for a game, Pete?”

“I don’t know why you bother anymore, you know you’ll lose. But, yeah, I’ll kick your ass again.”

“Game of what?” Lynn asked.

“Gabe and Pete have a running soccer competition.” Hayley explained, “what’s the score now?”

“I don’t reme-” Gabe started but Pete cut him off.

“Twenty one to three.”

Lynn stifled a laugh behind her hand and Gabe glared at Pete, to which Pete grinned back. “Face it, there’s no chance you can beat me by the end of the summer.”

“You only brag because we don’t have enough people for a baseball game, then I’d dominate.”

Pete laughed it off smugly, but Gabe was probably right. 

  
  


“I  _ told  _ you,” Pete said as he grabbed a towel. He’d beaten Gabe twelve to one by the time they finally called it, knowing they still had to shower and get some downtime in before the campers got back.

“Whatever. Maybe next time we should invite our girlfriends to - oh wait, you don’t have one.” Gabe teased and tossed his towel at Pete.

“What are you? Twelve?” Pete laughed.

Gabe stuck his tongue out “good game either way. I’ll get you next time, just wait.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Gabe jogged to the showers and Pete followed him, dropping the towels into the laundry machine as he went. Lynn caught him as before he got into the shower, though. “Hey, you’re  _ really _ good. Do you play on a team?”

Pete wiped his forehead “yeah, played for my college before I dropped out.”

“Cool. I figured you must have since - well, yeah. Anyway, I’ll see you tonight?”

Pete nodded and smiled as she left to go back to her cabin. Once the door closed Gabe stuck his head out from behind the shower curtain “dude…”

“Shut up,” Pete laughed as he got into his own shower “you read too much into shit.”

“Not this time, though.” he insisted “she’s definitely into you.”

“Or just being friendly.”

“Uh huh,  _ real _ friendly.”

“Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I probably won't be posting two times a week for all that long but I got REALLY ahead on Saturday and wanted to get the second chapter up. Kudos and comments keep me motivated so please let me know if you're enjoying it!


	3. Chapter 3

“Pete. It’s not a bonfire without campfire songs.” Gabe complained as he sat down on one of the bleachers by the campfire.

“You know I can’t sing. We’ll just do it without music, it’ll be fine.” He sat next to Gabe and rolled his eyes “how was paintball?”

“So much fun. Everyone had a great time once they started, a couple of people were scared at first but you know how the first day is. Good try changing the subject, though, go get your guitar before the campers get down.”

Pete sighed and stood up “fine but you owe me.” He could hear the excited yelling from the camper cabins down the hill as he walked back to his own cabin. He still remembered his first year when all the counselors shared cabins, that was awful. By his second year, they’d built small cabins for all five team leaders and a couple extra for any other counselors who stayed on location. The staff like the chefs and park rangers usually went home at the end of the day or stayed in their own building away from the cabins because they didn’t have to look after campers. Pete had brought his guitar last year to practice in the cabin last year and Gabe had seen it was they packed up at the end of the month, he’d thrown a fit that Pete hadn’t played for everyone but Pete was more of a private person when it came to music; apparently that was changing tonight.

When he got back to the campfire Gabe cheered. Lynn and Hayley had joined the circle since he’d left. “I didn’t know you played,” Hayley commented.

“I don’t, not for people.” Pete said jokingly and elbowed Gabe “this fucker decided differently.”

Hayley rolled her eyes and scolded him for cursing at work even though the campers were still all getting changed into pajamas. Lynn smiled, though, that made it worth it. “How was everyone’s first day?”

“They all got covered in paint but some of them made pretty cool shirts. It was fun.” Hayley grinned and then looked at Lynn “how’d archery go?”

“They didn’t really listen but they had fun. No injuries so I guess that’s a good record.”

Pete clapped “hey, no injuries with archery as your first day? That’s good. On my first year, we had to stop early because someone aimed the bow at their friend and we had to do a safety lecture instead.”

Gabe laughed waved as Travie joined them as well “sorry” he said as he sat down “one of my campers lost their bag.”

“No worries, glad you got it worked out.” Gabe smiled at him, it was surprising that no one else had an emergency so far “how was horseback riding, Pete? Hell as usual?”

Pete shook his head and smiled at the memory even though he wasn’t sure why “no, no it was good. New instructor is cool. Seems like they don’t mind kids so… yeah, good.”

Gabe gave him an odd look and lowered his voice so no one else could hear “you’re blushing, what’s up?”

Pete shook his head “it’s a dude. Fire’s just hot and I’m probably a little sunburned.”

Gabe nodded and dropped the subject in favour of asking Travie how rock climbing went. Pete watched the fire for a minute and zoned out until the first wave of campers came down, all with sticks in hand for roasting marshmallows. Most places had switched to the metal skewers but there was something fun about finding your own roasting stick, even if it meant eating a little extra dirt. The counselors all had bags of graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows to put together the smores. The campers would not be trusted with their own portion control when it came to marshmallows and chocolate. Once the first night’s smores rations had run out and the kids had settled down, Hayley brought up the idea of campfire songs and then scary stories.

They always did songs first and then stories so the kids who didn’t want to hear the ghost stories could go back to their cabins without missing anything else. That suggestion brought cheers and requests loud enough to scare away any wildlife within one hundred feet of them.

“Alright, already, what’s a song everyone knows?” Pete asked once the commotion died down.

“Old Town Roads!” One kid yelled and Pete laughed, it was met by enough cheers though that Pete couldn’t exactly argue. He could strum out something close enough to the song that they’d be happy. Gabe, Travie, and Hayley led the song while the kids yelled along and Pete played. He met eyes with Lynn at one point and smiled, she smiled back. She had a pretty smile and the green team all seemed to like her.

They went through probably another ten songs, a mix of top forty songs and traditional campfire songs, before Pete’s wrist got tired and he let the campers know that they’d be switching to ghost stories. About a fourth of the campers went back to their cabins but most of them decided to tough it out. Travie told the first story, a story about an old witch who had lived in the woods and how her ghost would catch any children who were up past light out. This was met by mostly laughter, that was the best kind of ghost story for this age. No one wanted the kids so scared that they’d be getting them up at night to check for undead witches under their bunks. A few campers told stories too. Pete checked his watch and nodded towards the other counselors that they should start wrapping up. It would be lights out in ten minutes. When the last story was over, Pete stood up, gave good night hugs to a few of his campers before turning to head back to his cabin. Even though none of the stories had really been scary, he jumped when he saw someone leaning against a tree not too far from him.

“Sorry,” the figure said before stepping into the firelight. Patrick. “I could hear you guys all the way from the stables, figured I’d come see what all the yelling was about.”

Pete laughed and picked up his guitar “the campfires are always crazy. You didn’t miss much, though.”

“I’m sorry I missed that,” Patrick gestured to Pete’s guitar “are you good?”

Pete shrugged “I’m alright. Are you staying on site?”

Patrick nodded “my car’s a piece of crap and driving six hours every day sounds like hell.”

“God, yeah, you live with your dad?”

Patrick smiled, seemingly pleased that Pete had remembered what he’d said about his dad’s farm “during the summer.”

“Can I walk you back to your cabin?” Pete asked out of courtesy and Patrick nodded “are you in college then?”

Patrick nodded again “in Champaign. You?”

“No, I dropped out to do music.”

Patrick laughed as he walked beside Pete “you remind me of my ex.”

“Is that a good or a bad thing?”

“I haven’t decided yet, but I’ll let you know when I figure it out.” Patrick leaned against the door of his cabin and he looked even shorter than Pete when he did that even though they were roughly the same height. There was that feeling in his chest again. Was he really getting a cramp just from walking up the hill? Should he go see one of the medics? Chest pain couldn’t be a good sign.

“So I guess I’ll see you next week?”

Patrick gave him an odd look almost… disappointed? “Not before then?”

“I guess I could sneak away at some point… I’m really not supposed to leave my group, though, maybe you should come to the campfire tomorrow night?”

Patrick grinned and looked up at the sky “hm, tempting, or you could be a rebel and take a midnight ride with me.”

“With the horses?” Pete asked, which was definitely a dumb question.

Patrick gave him another look, but it wasn’t the ‘oh my god how stupid are you’ look that Pete was expecting “What else would I mean? Anyway, think about it, you know where to find me.” He stood on his toes for a second before slipping into his cabin. Pete stood outside for a second and looked out at the lake. That was weird. First days were always weird, though. He was just tired.

Pete’s alarm went off at six thirty and he sighed. He’d love to stay in abed just a little while longer but he had to be ready and in the breakfast hall in a half hour. Today was paintball day, though, and paintball day was universally loved. He stretched and turned his alarm off before throwing some more emergency granola bars into his bag and getting changed. He met Lynn and Travie at the counselor’s table once he grabbed a breakfast tray in the dining hall.

“How’d you guys sleep?”

They both mumbled “good” but seemed like they weren’t any more used to the early mornings than Pete. He’d recover with enough coffee, though. The campers filtered in and started to fill the tables while they chatted, Gabe and Hayley coming along with them. 

“Rough night?” Travie asked Gabe, who looked even worse off than the rest of them.

“Camper got homesick at like, two, and came knocking.”

They all gave him sympathetic looks, Hayley and Pete knew that feeling and Lynn and Travie would soon enough. “At least you’ve got arts and crafts today and in the afternoon it’s recess so you can sneak away for a nap.” Pete squeezed his shoulder. Gabe nodded and yawned before opening his yogurt “true. You’ll cover for me?”

“Any time.”

Paintball was the best type of chaos. Everyone ended up bruised, covered in paint and dirt, and laughing. Pete was given the choice to hang back and keep an eye on everyone or to play as well, of course, he chose to play. His team had lost dismally but everyone had fun. Pete fixed his hair in the mirror as much as he could with it covered in bright purple paint while the campers got out of their gear and held ice to the worst of their bruises (mainly the ice was being used to drop it down people’s shirts, though). The paint would come out with a shower but he probably wouldn’t get one until later that night. At least his afternoon would be easy. During recess, the kids could play in yards, hang out in the cabins, do arts and crafts in the rec hall, or play sports in the fields and courts around the camp. The pool and lake were closed which made it a lot simpler. Counselors mainly had to be around if someone got hurt so they could do basic first aid or radio a medic if it was more serious than a skinned knee or bug bite.

He found Lynn by the soccer field and sat next to her. “Nice hair,” she commented, smiling.

“Mhm, thinking of keeping it. How was survival skills?”

She grinned wider “fun! They made fires and shelters and I threw water on them. One group actually got a good fire going.”

Pete hummed and found himself looking over the soccer fields at the stretch of Illinois forest between the field and the stables.

“What’re you thinking about?” She asked, seeing how he’d clearly zoned out.

He cracked his neck to ground himself “not sure, I’m just tired. I’m glad you had fun.”

“What do you do outside of camp?”

He shifted to look at her instead of off at the horizon “freelance musician. I’ve switched between a bunch of bands lately. This pays a lot better during the summer, though. Are you staying all summer or just this camp?”

“All three camps, I think everyone is. It seems really fun so far.”

Pete nodded “it’s cool. The kids can be a pain sometimes but you meet a lot of interesting people so…”

She laughed “that’s what my boss said about my job last summer, except it meant the customers are batshit.”

He smiled “yeah, that’s probably more accurate, but still.”

Pete jumped when Hayley jumped onto the metal bleachers, making them rattle and shake “dude, what’s got you so on edge?” She asked, coming to sit in front of them “you were weird this morning too.”

Pete shrugged “tired. I had a weird night.”

“How so?” Hayley implored.

“I don’t really know… I just felt weird.”

“This sounds like the start of a horror movie where you get possessed or turn into a werewolf or something and kill all of us.”

He laughed, though he still had a bit of a pit in his stomach “yeah, probably. You know how well things go for camp counselors end in movies.”

“Either dead or in love with each other?” Lynn chimed in playfully.

“Exactly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because every fic has Pete as a huge flirt and Patrick as oblivious and shy but not anymore! Patrick's a flirt and Pete's a dumbass.


	4. Chapter 4

Pete gathered the cloth bags of s'mores supplies from the dining hall when he felt hands on his waist “boo.” Pete jumped again and spun around to see Patrick.

“Shit, man, you’re going to give me a heart attack. He felt the empty space on his waist were Patrick’s hands had been so briefly a bit more than usual, probably because Patrick’s hands were a lot warmer than the cool air from the storm that was supposed to hit that night. “Swear I never see you around anyone else.”

“Maybe I’m trying to get you alone,” Patrick smirked and sat on one of the tables.

“Like a murderer?”

“Not exactly,”

Pete laughed and pushed Patrick’s shoulder gently as he walked past “gonna join in for the campfire tonight?”

“I might,” Patrick said, following him “what’s in it for me?”

“S’mores?”

Patrick got in front of Pete and stopped him at the doorway “anything else?”

Pete thought for a minute and then shook his head “no, that’s kind of the best part.”

He stepped out of the way and glanced down for a moment “I’ll see what time I get done with the feedings.”

“Okay, see you around.” Pete took the bags over to where Travie was setting up the campfire before he even noticed how much his hands were sweating. He set the bags down and patted his hands dry on his jeans.

“You okay?” Travie asked, holding his lighter to the kindling.

Pete nodded “paintball to the head I guess.”

“You sure you’re okay?”

Pete smiled “yeah, man, I’m good. Kidding about the paintball thing.”

“Good. I was just about to go wake Gabe up but if you want to…”

Pete nodded, glad to have another task so he didn’t have time to worry about what the hell was going on with him lately “on it. He’d sleep through the whole week if we let him."

Patrick didn’t show up to the bonfire. Pete saw the lights of his cabin on as he walked back to his own cabin that night. For a strange moment Pete thought he should go say goodnight but, no, if Patrick wanted to see people he would have gone to the bonfire instead of going straight to bed. Pete turned his radio on quietly once he got to his cabin and took his journal out from his backpack. The therapist he’d seen in high school had gotten him writing as a way to process his feelings and since then, he’d filled journal after journal with what someone else might think of as poetry, but to Pete, it was just his train of thought recorded. He wrote about the anxiety he’d been having since his first day - he felt like he was standing on the edge of something but he didn’t even know what. It was the same feeling he had when he was considering dropping out, like he was about to make one of the biggest decisions of his life but he didn’t even know what that decision was.

Pete woke up in a much better mood than he’d fallen asleep with. Today was arts and crafts day followed by team building. He loved all the games they did in the afternoon, it was fun getting to see the campers work together to figure stuff out as well as get to know each other. It was also a relatively easy day. No long hikes to keep track of campers during, no dangerous activities, nothing to make him nervous. It was just the kind of day he needed to reset his system after last night’s anxiety.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Travie commented as they picked up their breakfast trays.

Pete shrugged and sat down with him “I guess? No more than usual.”

Travie raised an eyebrow but Pete wasn’t in the mood to argue, instead, he decided to go say good morning to some of his team members that were already up. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood. A few older kids complained that they were too old for arts and crafts to which Pete told them that they should try and enjoy it anyway and they might end up having fun. Being ten is hard, he remembered that age of wanting to be an adult but still being a kid in everyone’s eyes.

When he rejoined the counselor’s table, Gabe, Hayley, and Lynn had joined them as well and Hayley was showing the tattoo ideas she had saved on her phone. Pete was pretty proud of his tattoo collection so far, he always wanted more, though. He was glad the camp didn’t have a problem with tattoos as long as they weren’t on his face because having to always have his arms covered in this heat would be awful.

“Anyone see what the craft is today?” He asked as he took a seat again.

“Tie-dye. I saw the shirts and dye when I came in.” Gabe said with his mouth full of Froot Loops.

Pete was glad, he liked tie-dye. It was cheesy and probably overdone but it was fun, it gave the kids time to be creative and they got something they could use afterward. He finished his eggs and toast off quickly before slipping outside to check his phone, which had buzzed in his pockets enough time that he wanted to make sure it wasn’t an emergency.

Mom: hope you’re having fun!

Mom: we miss you!

He smiled and texted out a simple “everything’s good, love you” before going in to put his tray up and start gathering his campers.

“What are we doing for our craft today, Pete?” one camper asked, yogurt spilled down the front of her shirt.

He smiled and handed her a napkin “you’ll see in just a minute once everyone puts their trays up.”

The energy of the camp seemed up today as people were getting used to being away from home and making friends. The first days were always the worst, it got fun from here on. Pete checked to make sure no one had slept through breakfast and that everyone had cleaned up before taking them outside. As soon as they saw the tie-dye supplies, kids ran other to grab shirts and their favourite colours “alright, everyone relax,” Pete laughed “we’re all going to share and get a turn with each colour. Does everyone know how to tie-dye?”

Several kids yelled that they did and Pete smiled. He picked up one of the pre-tied shirts “alright, well I’ll explain it just in case anyone doesn’t.”

He showed them how to put the colours on and then took off the rubber bands to show the design before letting them start on their own. The fighting over colours was minimal, after this many years the camp had learned to get more than enough shirts and dye otherwise there would be tears when a colour ran out or someone didn’t like how their shirt came out.

At the end, all the kids got sharpies and wrote their initials on the tags. Pete stopped a few kids from drawing on each other with the sharpies before collecting all of them and sending them over to where the red team was already waiting so that Hayley could keep an eye on them while Pete hung all the shirts up. Most of them looked pretty good, which was pretty impressive for a group of elementary schoolers. Pete joined Hayley once he was done. She was soaking wet.

“Fall out of a canoe?”

“Only once,” she leaned over and whispered “and it was totally my partner’s fault.”

He laughed before stepping back to where a long rope was laying on a fold-out table “red versus blue tug of war?”

Hayley crossed her arms as both teams cheered and taunted each other “only if you don’t mind losing.”

Pete and Hayley cheered their teams on from the side and while both pulled valiantly, red was eventually victorious, resulting in an equal amount of cheers and boos. Pete laughed and shook hands with Hayley, though, before giving a short speech about good sportsmanship and splitting off to do a game where the kids had to bounce a ball between each other using only sheets held between two people. It was chaos and involved a lot of people chasing after the ball before it rolled into the lake but the kids had fun. After a long round of that and a three-legged race, the kids were tired out and ready to shower and rest before dinner.

Gabe joined Pete by the lake once his team finished as well, a bullseye drawn onto his forehead with marker.

“How was archery?”

“Good,” Gabe sat down and took off his shoes to put his feet in the water “fortunately, they have terrible aim.”

Pete pushed him gently, not enough to push him off the dock but enough for Gabe to push him back harder, causing him to grab the post to keep himself from falling in. “Asshole, they should have shot you.”

“Damn, really?” Gabe laughed swung his legs over Pete’s lap “because then you’d have no friends.”

“Good point. How much trouble do you think I’d get into if I skipped the bonfire?”

Gabe crossed his arms “depends on why.”

“Just theoretically.”

“We’d cover for you so probably none, but only if you tell me where you’re going. I also don’t believe this theoretical thing.”

Pete laughed “I know you don’t, I haven’t even decided what I’d want to do yet, I just had an idea.”

Pete decided to eat a dinner of granola bars in his cabin that night and call his mom. It had been too long since he talked to his parents despite living in the same city as them. He definitely wouldn’t be winning any awards for son of the year but he did his best to at least send them a text once a week letting them know he was still alive. He called probably once a month and visited… well, for the holidays. Yeah, he wasn’t the best son. He smiled when he heard the excitement in his mom’s voice when she picked up.

“Peter! How is everything going?”

“It’s good, Mom. How are you? How’s Dad?”

“Oh you know your father, always working. Not unlike a certain son of his. Your sister called yesterday and asked about you, you should call her when you have time.”

He smiled and listened to her ramble about work and his sister and everything that’s been happening in the neighborhood and church circles. By the time he finally said goodbye and hung up, the bonfire had already started. There was a moment where he considered just staying put and calling it an early night but Gabe could only cover for him so many times and he wanted to save that for something special. He threw on a jacket and joined up with his coworkers and campers before the s’mores were half-way gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really tired so I'm not doing a lot for notes this chapter besides I'd really appreciate if you left me kudos or a comment if you're enjoying it. It keeps me motivated if I know that what I'm writing and posting is actually being enjoyed, otherwise I wouldn't put in the effort to proofreading, editing, and posting. Thank you to the people who have already shown support, though, it means a lot.


	5. Chapter 5

Gabe mouthed ‘what’s up?’ as Pete sat down and he nodded in response. He’d fill Gabe in more if he insisted but he didn’t exactly have an exciting story for him. Instead, he focused on making s’mores. He looked up when someone tapped him on the shoulder, expecting it to be a camper but instead Hayley was standing behind him. She leaned down and rested her chin on his shoulder “everything okay?”

He nodded “I called my mom” and leaned against her, it was good to know that even though nothing was wrong if it had been he had friends who would take care of him.

“Alright.” She smiled and stood up when one camper pointed and yelled “cooties!”

“Once we put the fire out do you want to take a walk and catch up?”

Pete nodded “sure, sorry for giving you cooties.”

“So how’s music going?” she asked, checking her flashlight and radio, night hikes were an easy way to get lost and even though it was a pretty safe area, it wasn’t without its risks. Everything looked different at night, not even the most experienced rangers risk going out without at least a radio.

“It’s good, bouncing between bands right now but it’s fun. Doesn’t pay that well yet but it’s picking up. How’s the salon?”

“Good for you, man.” she smiled as she led him down a path into the forest “it’s doing really well. We had some big articles about us get published and it’s gotten us a ton of attention and new clients.”

Hayley had gone to cosmetology school out of spite, which Pete thought was a fantastic reason to go. She’d always had “out-there” hair cuts and colours while scene culture was at its peak but few salons would do stuff that didn’t fit the image they wanted, upper class and sophisticated. Once she finished school, she opened her own salon that specialized in the styles other places either wouldn’t do or at least would try and talk you out of. If you wanted an orange and green mohawk, she’d give you an orange and green mohawk, no questions asked. Pete had a lot of respect for her for that, she could have lost years and thousands of dollars if this hadn’t worked out but she hadn’t cared, she did what she wanted no matter what anyone thought and she made a lot of people happy while doing it.

“That’s good, you deserve it. Is it still just you?”

She laughed “no, I caved and hired an assistant. It was too much work for just me and it means I can stay open during the summer.”

“Why did you come back this year if it’s doing so well?”

She sighed “I almost didn’t, I love it here, though. You and Gabe are my family. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I didn’t have this.”

Pete stopped and hugged her “I love you, you crazy bitch. If it makes more sense for you to give this up, though, it’s okay. We’ll miss you, though.”

She pushed him off after a second “stop it, you’re going to make me cry. I’ll do this summer and see how I feel next year. I’m taking things one day at a time for now. You seeing anyone?”

“You sound like my mom, and Gabe. No.”

“Ashlee didn’t work out?”

He laughed “no… no, you called that one.”

“Well if you need a wingwoman.”

“I know, there’s way more guys this year, though. My options are limited. I think I’ll take a summer off and figure my own stuff out first.”

“That’s smart, too bad it’s bullshit.” She teased.

He tripped over a root but caught himself, which was good because she wouldn’t let it go if he face planted “what do you mean?”

“You say you’ll stay single but then you see some thin brunette lifeguard and suddenly-”

He wanted to argue but he had done that both summers, he was hoping not to go for three, though “no, no, I mean, in the past but not this year. I’ve matured.”

She laughed so hard a bird took off in a tree above them.

Pete almost never remembered his dreams. All he could remember from that night’s dream was glimpses and a feeling. Coffee and a metal chair, like those in small coffee shops with outdoor seating, someone had a hand on his knee, and he was laughing so hard his chest hurt. It was almost like the feeling he’d had with girlfriends before, that feeling of excitement but also like the feeling of coming home after being away for a long time when his mom would hug him and tell him dinner was almost ready. He turned off his alarm and stared up at the ceiling, trying to hold onto that feeling for just a minute more but it was gone. By the time he’d gotten dressed, he’d forgotten everything except the fact that he’d had a dream. 

He was the last counselor to the dining hall and Lynn made space for him at the end of the table when he got his food.

“We were starting to worry. I was about to go get you up.” Gabe said, patting Pete on the back.

“Bill just told everyone today’s activities are canceled because of the storm,” Travie added “so it’s board games in the morning, crafts in the afternoon, and movies and popcorn in the evening.”

“Thank god, I had horseback riding today.” Lynn said, playing with her braid “if it’s as bad as you say, I won’t miss having one less week of it.”

“It’s not that bad this year.” Pete said, realizing Hayley and Gabe definitely wouldn’t believe him until they got there.

“I hope you’re right,” Hayley said, looking at Pete like he’d finally lost his mind.

“I’m serious. The new instructor’s good.”

Gabe groaned and rolled his eyes “here we go again…”

“What’s going on?” Travie asked as Hayley laughed and Pete shook his head.

“It’s not like that” he insisted “first of all-”

Hayley cut him off “Pete has a habit of falling in love with anything that breathes.”

“It’s a guy for god’s sake and he’s just not awful, that’s all, nothing more to it.”

Hayley and Gabe gave each other a look but Pete knew he was right on this one.

The kids were happily playing board games, card games, and chatting while the counselors got some needed time off in the lounge, telling the campers that the activities they’d been excited for were canceled had not gone well at first. They left the door open so if anyone needed anything, they could be reached but besides that, this was a break.

“Never have I ever…” Hayley started and then hesitated to think “kissed a girl,”

Pete, Travie, Gabe, and Lynn all put a finger down. Gabe shot Pete a glance, which he ignored because Gabe was an idiot.

Travie went next “never have I ever blacked out,”

“Strong man,” Gabe mumbled as he put his finger down along with Hayley and Pete.

“Never have I ever-” Gabe started and looked up when there was a knock on the door.

“Can I join you guys?” Patrick asked from the doorway “the barn is a little, uh, flooded.”

Pete moved over on the couch “sure,” he answered for the group, not letting their prejudice against Patrick’s position exclude him. Patrick smiled and sat next to him.

“Um, okay, where was I,” Gabe started again “never have I ever passed out outside.”

“Passed out or fallen asleep?” Patrick asked.

“Passed out.”

No fingers went down.

Pete’s turn. “Never have I ever, shit this is so much more fun drunk”

“Shut up and play,” Hayley yawned.

“Alright. Never have I ever left the country.”

Lynn and Gabe put down fingers.

Patrick thought for a minute “never have I ever kissed a girl.”

Hayley leaned over and whispered something to Lynn. Gabe shook his head “already done, pick a new one.”

“Okay, um, never have I ever smoked cigarettes.”

Gabe and Pete down fingers, he wasn’t proud of that one. High school was a bad time.

“Never have I ever had a pet.” Lynn stated.

Everyone else put down a finger. “Never have I ever taken nudes,” Hayley added, looking straight at Pete, who looked away and put down a finger. He never claimed to be the king of good choices.

“Never have I ever sent nudes.” Travie said, amusement on his voice.

“Alright, fuck off,” Pete said, putting down another finger.

“Never have I ever cheated on someone,” Gabe said, finally one Pete didn’t have to put a finger down for. Neither did anyone else.

Pete smiled “never have I ever dated someone for over a year,”

Lynn, Patrick, and Travie put down fingers.

“Never have I ever broken a bone,” Patrick said, leaning back in the couch only to jump when there was a loud crack of thunder.

Lynn, Pete, and Gabe put fingers down. Lynn leaned over to make sure the kids were still okay before starting her turn “never have I ever slept with a man.”

Hayley and Patrick put fingers down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things really start to pick up here so make sure to subscribe if you haven't already so you can get updates!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for Pete being mildly homophobic/insensitive. If you think that will make you too uncomfortable, don't read this chapter. I have included a chapter summary in the endnotes for anyone who needs it, that way you can pick back up next chapter easily.

Patrick’s eyes were on the floor. Everyone else pretended they didn’t see, it seemed like the best thing to do.

“Um, okay, never have I ever lied on a resume,” Hayley said proudly.

Gabe and Lynn put fingers down.

“Never have I ever lied about my age,” Travie said.

No fingers went down. “I see we all had older siblings,” Gabe joked before taking his turn “never have I ever gotten a ticket.”

Hayley and Pete put fingers down.

“Never have I ever been arrested,” Pete said and glanced around the room, no fingers went down.

“Never have I ever shoplifted,” Patrick said, looking a little nervous but not as much as before. Pete felt bad, he wondered if there was anything he could say or if that would just make things worse.

Hayley put a finger down before taking her turn “never have I ever fired a gun.”

Patrick put a finger down.

Lynn went next “never have I ever cut or coloured my own hair.”

Pete, Hayley, and Patrick put fingers down. “Uh,” Pete held up his closed fists “does this mean I lose or win?”

“It means you’re a dumbass and a slut.” Gabe hit him on the back of the neck. He wasn’t wrong.

Pete followed Patrick out that evening, it was still pouring but Pete wasn’t really thinking about that “hey, are you staying for the movie? We’re going to make popcorn and-”

Patrick shook his head and pushed his now-soaked hair back “I should go get the horses fed. It was fun hanging out with you today.”

“Are you upset about the whole… what happened?”

Patrick shook his head “I’m fine, I just need to go.”

“So you’re, like, gay?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Pete, especially not with you.” Pete clenched his jaw when Patrick’s voice broke. He should have dropped it.

“Okay, um, sorry. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Patrick said before walking back towards the stable.

Pete went back inside, head low. Lynn joined him and handed him a towel.

“What was that about?” Travie came over, a box of giant microwave popcorn under his arm.

“Just saying goodbye to Patrick.”

Gabe came over as well “well, you were right, he seems alright. Also, we can rule out you just thinking that because you’re in love with him.”

“Can’t rule out him being in love with you, though,” Hayley shouted from where she was sorting through DVDs.

Pete was pretty cold from being out in the rain but the blankets and popcorn were helping. The kids were watching a Disney movie while the counselors had crammed onto the couch in the lounge to watch a horror movie. It wasn’t comfortable, but it was the only way they could all see the small television.

“Ow, Travie, your elbow is in my ribs.” Hayley, who was laying across Gabe and Travie. Lynn was sitting on Pete’s lap. She smelled like lemongrass, which reminded Pete of home.

“I can’t hear the movie,” Gabe complained.

“Then stop talking,” Lynn teased.

After a few minutes of adjusting and complaining, they’d missed the intro but who really cared with a slasher flick, they’d all die anyway. Lynn fell asleep halfway through which was damn impressive. When the movie ended, most of the campers were asleep too. Pete nudged Gabe with his knee. “Can you make sure the campers get to bed? I’m going to take her home.”

Hayley rolled off the couch to let Gabe up. As Pete walked out, carrying Lynn, Hayley caught his arm “you’re just going to put her in bed and leave.” It wasn’t it question.

“Of course.” He smiled at Hayley “you know I’m not like that.”

“I know just…”

“It’s okay. You’re a good friend.”

He left Hayley inside as he took Lynn back to her cabin. He shielded her as much as he could from the rain but she woke up pretty much as soon as they were outside. She struggled for a moment and Pete was about to put her down before she relaxed again “Pete?”

“Yeah, it’s just me. The movie’s over.”

“Bed?”

He smiled and opened her door, it was a little awkward and hurt his wrist a bit but he wasn’t going to put her down on the ground just to get the door open.

She was soaked and might yell at him tomorrow for putting her in bed soaking wet but he definitely wasn’t going to undress her. He pulled the blankets over her and turned off the light before slipping back into the rain outside. When he got back to the rec hall, most of the campers were up and on their way back to the cabins. Hayley was picking up blankets, pillows, and popcorn bowls from the floor, Gabe and Travie were out somewhere helping the campers not get lost.

“Hey.” He said, sitting down on the hearth.

“Hey,” she sat beside him and leaned her head against his shoulder.

He put his arm around her shoulders “you okay?”

“Are you and Lynn a thing? And you know you have to tell me because you’re my best friend.”

He laughed “I know, but no, we’re not. Not officially at least.”

“Do you want to be?”

“I don’t know. But I’ll let you know if anything happens. You know I don’t keep stuff from you. Now, tell me what’s going on with you.” He leaned his forehead against hers.

“Do you think we messed up with… with what’s his name, horse guy.”

“Patrick.”

She nodded then leaned back to blow a strand of hair out of her face “yeah, with Patrick. Do you think we were totally awful.”

Pete sighed “listen… I don’t know, I feel like he just… you gotta let that shit go, you know? He fucked a dude so he knows he’s gay, you’ve just got to embrace that stuff.”

“I don’t think it’s that easy, though, Pete… maybe we’re the first people he told and maybe we made things worse.”

“Well he chose to say it like that, I don’t know what he’s expecting.”

She looked at her hands “I guess. I just feel bad. I hope he’s okay. I mean, you saw his face, he was terrified.”

Pete hadn’t had the heart to look at Patrick much during that game, actually, so no, he hadn’t seen his face. He didn’t tell her about what Patrick had said outside, there was no point if it would only make her feel worse.

“We should get to bed.”

She nodded and stood up “I think I’m going to go visit him tomorrow and say sorry. Will you come?”

He shrugged “it’s probably fine, I’ll cover for you though if you feel like you need to.”

She sighed “maybe I’m overreacting. Thanks, though, I just feel like someone needs to.”

“Have I ever told you you’re amazing?” he kept his arm around her shoulders as he turned off the lights and walked outside.

“All the time,”

“Well, it’s true.”

He made sure she got back to her cabin before he went inside and immediately changed out of his wet clothes and fell into bed. He pulled his journal over to him, he had a lot of emotions he wanted to get down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter summary:  
> Never have I ever continues, no one says anything about Patrick saying he's slept with a man, Pete tries to talk to him but Patrick says he doesn't want to talk. Hayley is upset with how things ended with Patrick, Pete says he needs to get over it if he's upset. Pete carries Lynn back to her cabin after she falls asleep on the couch.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long break! I had some medical stuff come up that sapped my motivation and I needed to take some time off but I'm back now!

Pete woke up to a knock on his door instead of an alarm. He didn’t realize until he had already opened the door that he was only in his boxers and he really hoped it wasn’t a camper at the door. 

Lynn. “Hey,” she said. She’d changed into a sweatshirt and shorts since last night “thanks for taking me home last night.”

He nodded and ran his fingers through his hair “yeah, um, no problem.”

“I mean, not everyone would have done that, and not… in that way.” She hugged him and he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“I’m not gonna hurt you, I won’t let anyone else hurt you either.” It wasn’t a very him thing to say. He wasn’t the macho type, not like Gabe or Travie, but he meant it.

“You’re cheesy. It’s cute, though. Anyway,” she let go, blushing “I just wanted to say thanks. See you at breakfast?”

He nodded “see you then.” he closed the door and leaned against it. He huffed as his alarm started to go off. Time to start the day.

Lynn didn’t look at him at breakfast. Hayley smiled at him and tapped his hand once he sat down with his waffles. “I’m going down to the stables during pool time. You’ll still cover for me?”

Pete nodded.

“Why are you going to the stables?” Travie asked.

“I want to apologize to Patrick.”

Travie nodded “I’ve got activity with him, I felt like I should say something too.”

“I feel like you guys are making a big deal out of nothing, he never said he was upset.”

Gabe shot him a look “Pete, he was upset. Don’t be a dick. I’m glad you guys are saying something, I felt bad too. Let him know I’m sorry as well.”

Even Lynn spoke up “can I come too, Hayley? I don’t want him to feel like he’s alone.”

Pete didn’t say anything after that. He just finished his food before gathering his campers.

The great thing about rock climbing is you can’t think about anything else while you’re doing it. You let your mind wander and then you lose your footing and you’re dangling on a rope fifty feet in the air and that’s, ironically, just about the most grounding experience you can have. Once everyone was tethered by on the cliff’s edge, everyone was free to climb as high as they were comfortable with. The rocks were slick from last night’s rain but Pete was determined that he’d get to the top just to keep his mind off Patrick. The look on his face last night, even for that moment before he looked away… he’d looked like he would break down any second. He reminded Pete of dogs that had been beaten so whenever you raised your hand they’d cower. He hated to think of what might have caused that reaction.

“Shit,” Pete cursed under his breath as he lost his footing and suddenly was hanging by one arm. He got his footing back and held himself in place for a moment. He was going to die trying to do this but at least then he wouldn’t feel so damn guilty.

He finally pulled himself up to the cliff’s edge and laid down on his back, his feet hanging over the edge. From here he could see more of the forest but it still stretched out for miles past the horizon. He brought one arm up to check his watch, he still had twenty minutes before he needed to get the kids back down for their pool time. That was ten minutes to catch his breath and ten to get down. Somewhere off in that forest, Patrick might be off on a trail ride. Travie’s group would already be on their way back by now since the walk to the stables was longer than the cliff. He hoped Patrick was doing what he liked. He didn’t want to imagine him sitting alone and thinking about what Travie had said, or more likely, what none of them had said last night. Pete felt like some part of him got it but of course, he didn’t. He was straight. His mom always told him to never pretend to understand an experience you haven’t had, to just listen. He hadn’t listened, though. He closed his eyes and sighed. The sun was startlingly bright after last night’s storm, that paired with the scraggy ground made Pete yearn for his bed. Not the bed in his cabin, his bed in his apartment. He wished he was back home, a week ago when he was excited to start work. Before he’d had this spell of anxiety and before he was confused about stuff with Lynn and before this whole thing with Patrick had happened. 

He sat up and looked over the cliff’s edge. While his brain was on the topic of Lynn… he couldn’t tell what was going on with Lynn. It was like a part of him was already in love with her but another part… he should be head of heels for her, she was gorgeous and seemed to not hate him but something was just not there. It felt like he was waiting for something to click with her but he had no idea what it was. He’d probably get there. Hayley was right, he probably couldn’t go a whole summer without a relationship. He’d just have to figure it out.

He tested his tether just to be safe before starting his climb down. His mind settled when all he could think about was getting his grip and footing, which was much better than letting his mind wander to all the things he’d messed up already this summer - and it was only day four.

Pete grinned once his feet hit the ground. The campers were either on their way down or gettings their harnesses off. He stretched and checked his watch again, he’d leave a few minutes behind schedule but it was just pool time today so it wasn’t a big deal.

“Did you go all the way to the top?”

A girl who was sitting by a tree asked. Pete nodded and took a drink from his water bottle. “What about you?”

“To the red one!” She said, pointing to the red rope which marked twenty feet. For a wet day, that was impressive.

“Hey, good job!” He kneeled down and gave her a high five “maybe next week when it’s dry you can get to the green one.”

She looked up at the next highest rope, thirty feet, and then to Pete and nodded excitedly.

He stood back up and made sure no one was leaving any water bottles or bags before starting the walk back to the cabins. He listened to the campers as they told him how high they climbed, a mix of white (ten feet) and red ropes. This part of the job he knew how to do. He could listen to kids talk excitedly about their accomplishments and lead people along trails he’d been hiking for years any day. He knew he’d see Patrick again on Monday if nothing else, but what could happen before then? Would everyone else make it worse? He wished he’d had horseback riding today so he could have seen Patrick instead of Travie, after all, he knew Patrick the best. At least, he thought he did.

Once the cabins were in sight he let them run off to get changed and head to the pool. He went to his own cabin and changed into swim trunks before joining Travie and Gabe who were already at the edge of the pool. Their conversation stopped once he got within earshot.

“Don’t tell me I’m in trouble with you guys too.” He sighed, sitting down with his feet in the water.

Travie looked nervous for a second but Gabe filled in “look, dude, you know I don’t keep anything from you so just… we were talking about the conversation Travie and Patrick had and you got annoyed about it earlier so we thought…”

“No, I’m sorry about that, I just feel bad I guess. What happened?”

“He said he didn’t want to talk about it, but I’m still glad I got to apologize though.”

“What then?” Pete inquired.

Travie shrugged “I let it go. We talked about horses and camp and stuff. He seems cool.”

“Did he seem upset?”

“You know, Pete, I don’t know, you could go ask him yourself but honestly he just seemed like he didn’t want to talk about it.”

Pete looked down “sorry,”

Travie reached over and patted Pete’s shoulder “no, I’m sorry, I’m just annoyed with how things happened. It’s been a stressful day. Also, my group was kind of a pain today. He asked about you.”

“Patrick?”

Travie nodded “he asked if you were mad at him.”

Pete closed his eyes “you didn’t say I was, right?”

“With the way you reacted this morning… I said I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Pete laid down on his back “no, it’s not your fault. I just don’t want him to think I- I’m sure he’s having a rough enough time without thinking people hate him for that.

“Maybe you should go see him?” Gabe suggested.

“Another time. I’ll tell him if I see him around. I’m sure he’s had enough visitors today.”

“I don’t think he’d mind if he asked about you specifically…”

“Why did he ask about you specifically?” Travie asked.

Pete sighed “I don’t know, maybe I did something to make him think I was mad. How should I know what he thinks?”

“Sorry,” Travie held his hands up “I was just curious if you’d said something.”

“Maybe we should change the subject?” Gabe said, clearly trying to relieve the tension “want to get a game of marco polo going?”

“Love to,” Pete smiled at Travie “sorry I freaked out at you.”

“Me too, no hard feelings?”

Pete shook his head “it’s been… it’s been a weird twenty-four hours.”

Hayley and Lynn got back with a half-hour left of pool time. They didn’t say anything about their time with Patrick and Pete didn’t ask. They did another round of marco polo before getting out. Pete and Lynn ended up on deck chairs next to each other, Pete’s hand on her shoulder, drumming his fingers along her collar bone absently.

She rolled over to look at him and smiled.

“What’re you thinking about?” He asked, his hand dropping to hold her chin.

“Nothing. Just glad things are back to normal.”

He grinned “yeah? This is our normal?”

She nodded and rubbed his wrist before pushing his hand away “seems pretty normal to me.”

Pete could live with this being normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm hoping to be posting more regularly now.


	8. Chapter 8

Pete put his hair up in a bun once he’d changed into clothes for dinner and the bonfire. His mom would probably give him a lecture about taking care of himself better when she saw how long it had grown but Pete didn’t mind it like this. While he was thinking of what his mom would say, he remembered her asking for him to call his sister. He was already low on time but he wouldn’t be missed if he was a few minutes late. He hit her name from her contacts and listened to the phone ring for a few minutes.

“Hello?”

He smiled “hey, Genny.”

Her full name was Genesis but she went by her middle name, Grace, now, Pete couldn’t drop the nickname, though. She’s been Genny in his head since they were little. “What’s up?” She asked, usually when he called it was because he needed something.

“Just wanted to say hi. How’s college?” She’d just started summer session at the University of Mississippi a month ago.

“It’s good. Lot of weird people I guess but most people are pretty nice.”

“You like your professors?” He asked, putting his feet up on the desk.

“They’re alright. Once I get a degree, can I come with you on tour?”

He sighed, they had this fight a few months ago. She wanted to go marketing and tour with his bands. She was good too, she could create merch, posters, and hype like no one else in Chicago but it wasn’t about the work for her, she just wanted to travel and touring in a van and going to punk shows wasn’t the way to do it. Pete had frequently had to go days without showering or eating in order to cut costs and time. He’d slept in the van for weeks at a time even when it lock on one door broke. He’d crashed on stranger's couches and in the odd greenroom. It wasn’t safe for her. “Gen, we’ve done this before…”

“Yeah and you told me to get a degree, I’ll get a degree in graphic design and marketing.”

“I meant get a degree so you can do something else!”

She went silent for a minute.

“I’m sorry I yelled,” he said, resting his head in his hands “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m not a kid anymore, Pete.”

“I know you’re not but you’re still family, you can’t grow out of it.” he paused “if you still want to after a year and you finish with nothing below a B, we’ll talk.”

He could hear her smiling through the phone “I will. I promise.”

“I love you. I miss you.”

“I love you too. I’ll see you for Thanksgiving.”

He hung up the phone and sighed, another thing for him to worry about now. He didn’t have time to shower now but he’d fit it in after the bonfire. He jogged down to the dining hall and got in just after Travie, at least he wasn’t the only one running late.

“What were you two up to?” Gabe asked as they passed on their way to get food.

“Shower,” Travie said as he sat down.

Pete sat beside him “calling my sister. She just started college.”

“This early?” Lynn asked before almost spilling applesauce onto her lap in an attempt to open the plastic cup.

“Yeah, it’s like you go down early and get ahead in a couple classes. I don’t get it but she seems to like it, so.”

“I thought summer school was supposed to be a bad thing.” Hayley joked.

“Hey, don’t talk about summer school like that, that’s where I did my best learning.” Gabe said before finishing his chicken fingers and standing up “anyone want to come start the bonfire with me? Everything’s still wet from yesterday so it will take a while.”

Pete nodded and picked up his applesauce to eat later. Gabe grinned and Pete followed him outside.

“Real talk, man, what happened with you this morning?”

Pete sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets “honestly? I don’t know. I guess I just felt bad and didn’t want to hear about it. When I was climbing today I felt… not jealous but… upset that other people got to talk to him?...”

Gabe kneeled by the firepit and put on a few firewood logs that had been drying next to it. He just nodded in response.

“Is that crazy?”

“No,” Gabe said, holding his lighter to the newspaper under the logs for kindling “it’s different, though, I mean… it’s just a different way of processing.”

“Can we just talk about something else?”

Gabe cursed when the fire put itself out again “like what?”

“Tell me about this girlfriend.”

Gabe could easily talk for hours once he got going, especially on the topic of girls. He told Pete how they’d met on vacation in Arizona, she was studying architecture there but wanted to move to New York City once she graduated. Gabe was originally from New York and wanted to move back once he saved up enough to afford it. Pete enjoyed having a distraction while Gabe talked but he did eventually tire himself out.

“Are you bringing the guitar?” Gabe asked once he got the fire going and tossed on another log.

“I’m tired. Tomorrow.” Pete said.

“Won’t you be tired tomorrow too?”

“I’ve got survival skills tomorrow and then it’s recess. I’ll be fine.”

Gabe nodded and looked up at the sky, which was now deep blue as the last colours of the sunset faded “you want to call it an early night?”

Pete shook his head “I’ll power through.”

“Don’t burn yourself out on week one,” Gabe said, coming to sit beside Pete “we’ve got another eight weeks to get through.”

“Wouldn’t do it with anyone else,” Pete said, leaning against Gabe.

Pete was up even before his alarm that morning to squeeze in the shower he hadn’t gotten around to last night. He didn’t like having the kids be his second priority but today he had bigger problems. He decided he wanted to go see Patrick. He hadn’t wanted to talk before and Pete decided he wouldn’t be upset about that this time, he just wanted to go say hi. Something about the idea of seeing him again made Pete want to push everything else in his life to the side. He just liked being around him which was odd for someone he’d only known for a few days. He wanted to hear him laugh again like he had that first day. It felt like forever ago now, so much had happened since then, Pete was excited to get back to where they were that day.

When he got out of the shower, he changed into a nicer pair of jeans and a tank top. They were doing survival skills and a nature walk that day so it seemed like a good day to wear some of the clothes he wouldn’t want to wear if they’d get trashed. The clothing choice was purely for comfort as his newest clothes also happened to be his most comfortable where they hadn’t been overworn yet, not because he had anyone to impress.

He put his hair up in a bun again because he didn’t have time to straighten it before heading down to get breakfast. Lynn smiled at him from behind her coffee mug when he sat beside her. “How’d you sleep?” He asked casually as he picked up his bagel.

“Not good,” she replied, pouring another sugar packet into her coffee “woke up at 3 and couldn’t get back to sleep.”

“That’s the worst,” he hummed and put his hand over hers for a moment before Travie sat down across from them.

“Sorry to interrupt. You guys need some privacy?”

Pete shook his head and dropped his hand onto his knee instead “it’s nothing. Sorry ‘bout that, Lynn,”

“Everything okay?” Travie asked.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she filled him in before waving at Hayley and Gabe when they walked over. The tension lessened once everyone was together again.

“Your shirt’s on backward,” Travie muttered to Gabe when he sat down, quiet enough that no campers could hear but it still sent Pete, Hayley, and Lynn into a fit of muffled laughter.

“Fucking hell,” Gabe said, pushing the tag back inside. “I found a cockroach in my dresser this morning.”

“Ew, how’s that make you put your shirt on backward?” Hayley asked, pulling on his collar.

“I was freaked out, okay? It’s been a long day.”

Pete sat down on a log at the edge of the clearing as the campers scattered, looking for branches and rocks to make into shelters and fires. Their shelters, usually a couple branches leaned up against a boulder or a tree, wouldn’t actually hold up against the elements but it got them to explore the woods a bit more and do some problem-solving. Every year a few kids got a fire going, though, which was always exciting. Each team of three had a whistle to blow when they felt like their shelter was ready so they could hide in it while Pete dumped water on it to see if it would survive a rainstorm until he heard a whistle or saw smoke he could just sit and relax. He wished he had a bit more time off to go and sit outside by himself. It would be peaceful - with only the sound of the wind blowing through the trees - if it were not for the children yelling over it, regardless, it was a nice break from his job when it wasn’t summer. A friend of his he’d met on the road last year was starting up a band that needed a bassist, he’d be starting tour with them only a few weeks after the summer ended. This tour would take him all the way to San Francisco and Seattle, he’d never toured all the way to the west coast before.

A whistle call broke him out of his daydreams/anxiety about the end of summer and he picked up his water bucket. The kids had leaned some large branches up against each other to make a triangle, then put some rocks and branches around either side to make a clear “inside” and “outside.” They’d also cleared the leaves out from the inside so they could all sit inside more comfortably. They grinned at him from where they were huddled together.

“Good job, guys,” Pete commented, “I like the use of these branches, did you all work together to bring them over?”

They nodded. Pete gave one a high five and congratulated them on their teamwork. “Alright. Are you ready to see what happens when it starts to rain?”

They covered their heads and giggled. As Pete dumped the bucket over them, they dissolved into fits of laughter. It was the kind of activity some parents might turn their noses up at but it was one of the best parts of camp for a lot of the kids. They got a chance to run around and explore before getting absolutely soaked and filthy, it was youth at its best.


	9. Chapter 9

Once every group had built their shelter, gone through the water test, and tried their hand at building a fire, Pete took them back. Afternoon recess gave Pete an opportunity to slip away while the kids played or rested under the supervision of the other counselors.

The walk to the stables was unusually long and quiet, despite his yearnings that morning for some time away, he was now regretting his choice to make the trek along instead of waiting until Monday when he would walk the trails with twenty noisy campers. He could hear how fast his heart was beating with the anxiety over how this conversation could turn out. He found Patrick behind the barn, sitting on the ground with his eyes closed. His horse was grazing not far from him. Pete cleared his throat and Patrick opened his eyes and cocked his head, but his expression remained unreadable.

“Pete,” he said flatly “can I help you with something?” He stood up and dusted off his jeans.

“I, uh…” despite how many times Pete had rehearsed this, now the words were evading him “wanted to apologize,”

Patrick looked at the sky and made a noise halfway between a laugh and a scoff “listen,” he fixed his hair under his baseball cap “I already told your friends it’s okay. I’d just really prefer if we all just moved on.”

Pete picked at his nail cuticles behind his back “is there something I can do to make it up to you, though?”

Patrick shook his head and patted Pete on the shoulder as he walked to grab a water bottle from a backpack hanging on the stable doorway “you could let this whole thing go. You’ve got nothing to feel bad about.”

“But I-”

“Jesus Christ, Pete.” he sounded more annoyed this time “it’s fine, I really don’t care. It means enough that you came to apologize but I accept your apology and you can go now.”

“Do you want me to go?” Pete asked and swallowed.

Patrick’s expression softened “I mean… I won’t keep you if you’ve got stuff to do…”

“I’ve got someone covering for me for the next few hours so…”

Patrick sipped his water and looked at his horse for a moment “let me put her away and then do you want to take a walk with me?”

Pete nodded and smiled “I’d like that.”

Patrick knew the trails well, almost as well as Pete did - a natural sense of direction paired with almost a week of trail rides, Pete supposed.

“What kind of music do you do?” Patrick asked.

“Rock, metal, alternative - pretty much anything that will take me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been switching between bands for a while, going wherever someone needs me.”

Patrick nodded, not looking at Pete, though.

“What are you studying?” Pete asked after a moment of silence.

“History and music. I’m starting my thesis about how music has influenced major historical events as soon as camp is over.”

Pete smiled “alright, smart-stuff, give me an example.”

Patrick laughed and stopped walking to lean against a tree “well, a classic example is Bob Dylan but also Bob Marley or John Lennon. Even My Chemical Romance, as a more recent example, shaped the society around them, so have Drake and Beyonce. Just look at the way Beyonce has shaped the modern feminism movement."

Pete sat down on the grass and Patrick joined him “didn’t peg you for an MCR fan.”

“I’m not, really, I mean,” Patrick took off his cap “I can appreciate their music but I wouldn’t say it’s my favorite. But they made they made significant steps to bring the emo punk movement into the mainstream and along with that, the political side of punk.”

Pete nodded “alright, you know your stuff. What do you do with it after you graduate?”

Patrick shrugged “probably teach. I’d love to get a new generation to at the very least appreciate the music that came before them.”

“I kind of figured you’d be a country guy.”

“Music-wise? It’s a lot of what I grew up with, I’ll admit that new-age country can be…”

“Difficult to relate to?”

Patrick smiled at him “exactly.”

“Will you come hang out again sometime?” Pete asked.

“Are you leaving?” Patrick asked, looking hurt for a moment. They’d been sitting on the side of the lake for nearly a half-hour. The lake was peaceful on this side, the trees blocked a lot of the noise from the camp even though they were still relatively close and having Patrick around made everything else seem to melt away anyway - which was a weird thought to have but Pete ignored it.

“No, I just… the night you came and hung out, it was fun before - well anyway, we should do that again.”

“Or you could just come visit me and we can play our own drinking games.” Patrick teased and patted Pete’s knee.

“Such as?” Pete didn’t peg Patrick for the kind to get drunk and make bad decisions but maybe appearances could be deceiving.

“You’ll have to visit sometime after lights out and find out, won’t you? But it’ll be a lot more fun than dry never have I ever.”

Pete laughed “we make due. Do you even have alcohol?”

“They don’t check tack bags, only suitcases.”

“Well, I was interested before, but I’ll definitely have to take you up on that. Should I just knock on your cabin?”

Patrick shook his head “I usually sleep at the stable, so just head over.”

It wasn’t until Pete had gotten back to camp later in the day that the oddity of that statement hit him. He pondered that for a moment before a hand on his shoulder made him jump. He spun around to see Hayley smiling at him. “Hey.”

Pete laughed, forgetting his unease “hey. How was recess?”

She sighed and continued walking towards the dining hall “uneventful. Someone scraped their knee on the basketball court and needed a bandaid but besides that… how was Patrick?”

He followed her “how did you know?”

“Lucky guess?”

He furrowed his eyebrows but didn’t pry any more “good.”

“Long time out for an apology. What else did you two get up to?”

“He took me out to the lake and we talked.”

“What about?” She held the dining hall door for him before grabbing a tray of lasagna.

He followed suit “nothing really, just life and stuff.”

“Specific. This you and Patrick?” Travie asked as they sat down.

“Does everyone know?”

There was a second of silence before Gabe filled in “you get this… look when you’re around him.”

Pete rolled his eyes “I do not. You’re fishing.”

Silence again.

“So, um, how was everyone’s day?” Lynn asked after a moment. Pete ate the rest of his dinner in relative silence beside the occasional short reply, he wasn’t particularly hungry, though, his stomach was bugging him off of a sudden.

“You promised you’d bring the guitar tonight, Pete.” Gabe reminded him as he picked up the s’mores bags from the kitchen.

“Huh?” Pete muttered, suddenly being brought out of his thoughts “oh, oh yeah. I guess I did say I’d do that.”

“And you will?” Gabe asked though Pete doubted he was allowed to say no.

“Yeah, I’ll go get it.”

Gabe crossed his arms “you okay, man? You’re extra spacey today.”

“Just thinking.”

“What about?”

Pete sighed and rubbed his neck “the weird thing is I don’t even know. Just feels like I’m not fully here right now, I’m probably just tired.”

Gabe nodded and patted Pete on the shoulder before walking outside “go get your guitar and head to bed early. What activity do you have tomorrow?”

“Canoeing.”

Gabe laughed “dude, yeah, definitely get some sleep tonight.”

Pete didn’t know half the songs the kids requested but he managed to strum along enough to keep and rhythm and make them happy. “Everyone knows Let It Be, right?” Pete asked, to nods from the counselors and a few campers.

“It’s a good song, do it anyway, Pete,” Travie said, then his gaze shifted to somewhere behind Pete. Pete turned around and saw Patrick leaning against a tree behind him. He moved over on his bench, despite there being other seats available and Patrick joined him.

“You’re the music expert,” Pete smiled and nudged Patrick’s knee with his own.

“You’re the one with the guitar, and I don’t sing.”

Pete put on his best set of puppy eyes “I’ll sing if you do.”

Patrick rolled his eyes but smiled while he did it “fine, but only because you're singing with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will be getting more Patrick-centric going forward and starting to really pick up so make sure you're subscribed! I have also started working consistently on two new fics (one smallmarch and one egobang but I will be starting a peterick one too I promise) so if you're interested in either of those, you can subscribe to my profile as well to get updates when those go up. More details are on my tumblr (lupinwritings). I've loved the amount of comments coming in each chapter so if you have any thoughts at all, please leave them, they keep me motivated to continue writing. See you next chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

Pete started the song and caught Hayley and Gabe sharing a glance for a moment. It was mainly the adults singing but a handful of kids knew it as well and the rest started to catch on towards the end. Pete was kind of glad it was a bit quieter even if it meant his voice could be heard more because he could also hear Patrick. Damn, could he ever sing.

Once the song was over, the other counselors helped the campers get back to their cabins while Pete stayed behind with Patrick. “You’re really good,” Pete mentioned, taking off his guitar strap.

Patrick blushed, even in the orange cast firelight there was no mistaking that “shut up, so are you.”

Pete laughed “you don’t need to bring yourself down like that, and you definitely don’t have to lie to me about that. You’re kind of perfect.”

“How so?...”

Now it was Pete who was blushing, he hadn’t really meant to say that last part “well…” he sighed, “you just - forget it. You’re just a really good singer and I like being around you…”

Somehow the light of the fire made Patrick’s eyes seem even bluer. Patrick hadn’t noticed quite how close they were until he felt Patrick shift and their foreheads touched for a moment, Pete felt like if he moved something would be broken, though, like he was supposed to be doing this “I like being around you too.”

Pete didn’t realize he was holding his breath until a log collapsed in the fire and sent sparks showering around the firepit. Pete gasped and jumped back when a spark landed on his hand. He looked back at Patrick but the moment was over. Patrick was standing up.

“I should get to bed.”

“Can I walk you back?” Pete asked, somehow feeling like he’d missed something.

Patrick shook his head and leaned over and kissed Pete’s cheek which was extremely unexpected and unusual but not unpleasant, it left both of them blushing “you should get to bed too, don’t let me keep you up.”

“What if I want you to keep me up?” Pete asked, feeling slightly breathless besides not having done anything.

“There’ll be plenty of time for that later, Pete.” Patrick laughed softly before waving and turning back to the path that led to the stables. Pete watched him go silently until he was only watching the darkening forest. He shook his head and let out a breath. He still had to put the fire out before going to bed and he had the idea he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep for a while anyway.

He turned around to find Gabe quietly packing up, clearly not wanting to be noticed. “Shit,” Pete muttered and looked down when he knew he had been caught, even though he hadn’t done anything?

“Sorry, just wanted to get this away so we can all get to bed.” Gabe stood up and dusted off his jeans “you know I have to ask, what’s going on between you two?”

Pete sighed and dumped the bucket of water over the fire “nothing.”

Gabe scoffed “have you told him that?”

Pete rolled his eyes but his jaw was clenched uncomfortably “he knows.”

“You told him?”

Pete flicked on his flashlight now that the light of the fire was gone “no but-”

“You need to.” Pete chewed his lip and stayed silent. “Because if you don’t,” Gabe continued “he likes you, Pete, you can’t be so dumb that you can’t see that, maybe in denial but some of you must know that and if you don’t tell him you’re gonna break his heart.”

“It’s not that deep, Gabe,”

“It is, though, and yeah yeah you’re straight and all but, take this in the best way, you could have fooled me with that whole thing.”

Pete sat down and closed his eyes “how much did you see?”

Gabe sat beside him “not much, but he’s not subtle. Either you tell him to back off or you ask him out, those are your options.”

Pete laughed and pushed his shoulder but his throat felt like it was closing up which didn’t really put him in a joking mood “you ask him out if you’re so interested,”

The light was dim but Pete could feel Gabe’s eyes on him “whatever, I’m serious, though, Pete. You’re leading him on and it’s not fair.”

“I get it, Gabe,” he sighed and stood up “do me a favor and pretend none of that happened. I’ve got it under control.”

Gabe stood up as well and nodded “alright if you’re sure. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you when this blows up in your face.”

Pete felt overwhelmed the second he closed the door to his cabin. The lump in his throat was making it feel hard to breathe and he felt like crying, which only made him feel worse because he hated crying. He sat down on his bed and took out his journal. He filled a page front and back with scribbled writing about nothing in particular. If you’d asked him what it was about once he finished, he wouldn’t be able to tell you. He glanced over it the next morning and, from what he could make out, a single line stood out. He circled it before closing the journal and tucking it under the bedside table, a habit leftover from living with a nosey sibling.

He changed into swim shorts and a white tank top, not bothering to shower because he’d have to shower again after canoeing and almost definitely capsizing if his last two years were anything to go off. The counselors were supposed to take the camper who was having the most trouble as their canoe partner which just led to them capsizing as opposed to the other camper who they were stuck with before. There were far worse activities, though.

Pete joined the rest of the counselors, minus Lynn, in the breakfast hall. Gabe leaned over once Pete sat down “anything you want me to say to Patrick today?”

Pete shifted away “why would I care what you say to him?”

Gabe shrugged “just curious. You seem close.”

“We’re friends. Say whatever you want.”

Even though their voices were hushed and the dining hall was loud, Pete knew the other counselors could feel the tension. Lynn sat down with her food and shifted the mood. “With the lake, do we have to go in too?”

Pete was happy for a change in the topic “usually, it’s fun, though.”

Gabe and Hayley nodded, though Pete got the idea that he wasn’t entirely off the hook with Gabe yet. He recognized that he probably had a point but Gabe was blowing this whole thing out of proportion. Patrick hadn’t done anything he wasn’t okay with, Pete had enjoyed spending yesterday with him, he didn’t see why he needed to stop any of that until Patrick crossed a line.

“Pete, you’re canoeing today, right?” Hayley asked. Pete nodded.

“Want me to cover for you?” Gabe asked and usually, Pete would be happy to accept that offer to get out of a whole day in the lake but he wasn’t going to let Gabe win this. He’d thoroughly exhaust himself treading water all day if it meant winning this argument. He knew Gabe would only cover for him if he went to talk to Patrick, which was pretty selfish of him in Pete’s opinion though he didn’t know what Gabe got out of it, it still seemed selfish somehow.

“I’ll tough it out. Wouldn’t want to skip our first lake day just to hang out in my cabin.”

Gabe glared at him but didn’t say anything so Pete supposed he’d won, it didn’t feel like an accomplishment, though.

Pete had capsized twice before he called everyone back for lunch. Pretty much everyone capsized once, though, so he supposed it wasn’t that bad of a day all things considered. He made sure each camper had pulled their canoe at least partway onto the shore and gotten their towels before sending them off to the dining hall. Pete stayed on the lakeside and laid down. He was soaked to the bone and covered in mud and sand but the sun was out and kept him from freezing, even the wind had died down since that morning.

He opened one eye when he heard footsteps in the sand. Lynn sat down beside him, already in a bathing suit. “Not coming up for lunch?”

Pete shook his head “I’ll grab food from my cabin later. What’s up?”

She laid down beside him and smiled “just wanted to see you?”

He chuckled, “you’re sweet.”

“And you’re filthy,” she wiped mud off his face with her thumb “how did you even do that?”

“Don’t capsize in shallow water.”

“You’re a mess,”

He kissed her forehead and expected to feel the familiar butterflies but… maybe he hit his head harder than he thought on that last spill. “You already told me that.”

“Not just right now. A mess of a man.”

He rolled his eyes and brushed hair out of her face before sitting up when he heard kids yelling, lunch was starting to get out.

“You disagree?” She asked, sitting up as well.

“God, no. You have no idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter came a bit later than usual! I started college! That's so crazy but I'm having a great time so far! It's a bit harder finding time to write and post with roommates and classes and a bunch of orientation activities but I promise this story isn't over yet! Leave me kudos and a comment if you're liking it so far.


	11. Chapter 11

The thing about lakes is they’re nothing like pools or the ocean. They’re dark and you can’t see through the water and the mud is squishy and full of algae and other weird feeling objects, it’s no wonder people always thought there were monsters in them. Regardless of how awful they sound on paper, they were a hundred times better than a pool or the ocean. A small lake like this had no big waves and the freshwater didn’t irritate skin like salt or dry out hair like chlorine. Everyone loved lake days, which was why they put them at the end of the week so counselors and campers alike had something to look forward to.

“So is the whole don’t swim for thirty minutes after eating thing just complete bullshit?” Lynn asked. The counselors had found a spot near the edge of the roped-off section of the lake where they weren’t in ear or splash range of the campers. The lifeguards had the hard job, the counselors didn’t really need to be there but the camp leaders said they needed to so… here they were, avoiding the campers however they could.

“Yeah, pretty sure parents just made that up so we’d stay out of the water.” Hayley spun in her inflatable tube float.

“That can’t be good for the environment,” Travie noted as Hayley’s movement sent paint out into the water. She’d come back from paintball covered in green paint but most of it had since come off.

She flicked water at him “I’m sure it’s not but I wasn’t going to tell all the kids they had to miss lake day to shower. You can be in charge of breaking that news next week if you want.”

Travie laughed and shook his head. Pete didn’t catch where the conversation went next because Gabe pulled him aside to the shoreline where they were out of earshot from the others.

Pete sighed “dude, I don’t need another lecture,”

“No,” Gabe said, anxiously toying with the chain around his neck “I wanted to apologize. I just know what it’s like to be led on like that but you’re the one who knows what’s going on, it’s up to you. I’m sorry if I assumed something that’s not accurate.”

“It’s okay. I’d probably do the same thing.” He smiled and elbowed Gabe.

“So we’re good?”

Pete nodded “we’re good, just let me handle my own love life.”

Gabe raised an eyebrow “I thought the whole point was that this isn’t your love life?”

“What happened to letting it go?”

Gabe held up his hands and laughed “my bad.”

Pete slipped into the counselor’s lounge after he showered, looking for the bag of Chex Mix the leaders had dropped off for them that morning. Instead, he found Travie on the couch, a book in his hand. Now that he thought of it, Travie had left the lake early and not come back.

“What’re you reading?” Pete asked, grabbing the bag from the shelf.

Travie closed the book and took off his glasses “work advice,”

“Like a self-help book? What’s it about?” He asked between mouthfuls of cheap snack mix.

“Keeping motivation for art while also having a normal job and stuff,”

Pete sat down in the lounge chair beside him “you’re an artist?”

Travie nodded “since high school. I do mural commissions when I can but I don’t get enough to quit my day job yet.”

Pete grinned “that’s so fucking cool, man. What got you into murals?”

Travie shrugged, but there wasn’t any uncertainty in his voice “a painting can be bought and hidden away in a house or a museum you have to pay to get into, a mural is public. I mean, you can do ones for the insides of houses and stuff but I usually do buildings and stuff. My style doesn’t really vibe with the rich enough to buy a mural for their bedroom crowd.”

Of all the counselors, he knew the least about Travie and he wasn’t sure what he thought Travie’s life outside of camp would be, but he hadn’t expected that. “That’s… so fucking cool and, like… really well thought out. Show me a picture sometime?”

Travie chuckled and opened his book back up “another time, sure.”

Pete got the sense Travie was going to be joining the rest of them at dinner later“any tips?”

Travie’s eyes flicked back to him “tips?”

“For managing life and art?”

Travie laughed “I’ll lend you the book when I’m done with it.”

It was the end of week one which meant they had the first award ceremony. Each activity leader selected a team to give points to based on how well they’d done and how positive they’d been, usual camp stuff, and each counselor picked a few stand out campers for awards like best team helper, most improved, and best listener - again, usual camp stuff. Pete’s team had won the entire camp twice last year by getting the most points during each award ceremony, he was determined to do the same again at least once this summer. As dinner wrapped up, the lead instructor from each activity lined up on the small stage used for announcements or the odd performance. Eventually, the kids quieted down and turned their attention to the front of the room.

The rock climbing instructor went first, giving points to Hayley’s red team which resulted in a series of cheers and boos then a leader reminding them to be kind and not boo each other. The canoeing instructor, who was a lifeguard really but he helped load and unload the canoes so it was close enough, gave his point to Yellow, again cheers but with slightly less booing. Pete met Patrick’s eye for a moment as he stepped up to the microphone.

“Well, I have to say you’ve all been fantastic but my award for week one goes to blue,”

Cheers from the blue team along with half-hearted claps and a few boos from the other teams. Pete met Patrick’s eyes again as he steps down and Pete mistook a blink for a wink for a second, god, he was tired. Just because Patrick was gay didn’t mean he was winking at him, he’d have to work on making fewer assumptions if he wanted to be on good terms with Patrick again.

At the end of the night, blue, red, and yellow had one point, green had two, and pink had none. Each of the counselors gave out individual awards to people on their teams and as they headed down to the bonfire, Pete berated Gabe.

“Remember when you said you’d win this year? How’s that going?”

Gabe pushed him “shut up, Wentz, I’ve got two more weeks to kick your-”

Gabe stopped when someone cleared their throat behind them. They turned around to see Patrick “mind if I steal Pete for a second?”

“Not at all,” Gabe gave Pete a look to which Pete scrunched his eyebrows before stepping off the path with Patrick.

“I’ll catch back up with you, still think you’re losing your game, though,” Pete called after him.

“Hey,” Patrick said, sounding breathless for a second.

“Um,” Pete started and felt his face heat up at how dumb he always sounded talking to Patrick “thanks, I mean, for the-”

Patrick stood on his toes for a moment, shifting his weight “don’t mention it, I don’t play favourites.”

“Does that mean I’m your favourite?” Pete grinned, leaning against a pine tree.

Patrick rolled his eyes “you have to ask? I just wanted to - do you want to talk about last night?”

Pete shrugged “what about it?”

“Just that…” Patrick might have been blushing but Pete couldn’t quite tell this far from the fire “you’re okay with just seeing where this goes?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Pete put his hand on Patrick’s shoulder for a moment before letting it drop “are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I just wanted to make sure, I kind of thought you were - nevermind, I, of all people, should know better than to assume just because you’re - whatever. Fuck.”

Pete was really lost at this point “it’s okay, dude, you didn’t do anything wrong. I really like spending time with you. Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Do you remember when you said that I reminded you of your ex? Did you ever decide if that’s a good thing or not?”

Patrick laughed and it made Pete feel lighter “still deciding,” he ran a hand along the hem of Pete’s jacket, his knuckles grazing Pete’s chest “you’re winning me over, though,”

“Are you playing hard to get or something?”

Patrick almost smirked but Pete didn’t get to know what his reply would have been because Gabe yelled from the bonfire. He turned around to see that Travie and Hayley had ‘accidentally’ dumped the bucket of water on him as they brought it over. "You should get back,” Patrick said, a smile playing at his lips “I need to clean up the stables anyway,”

Pete had a million replies going through his head from ‘I’ll go with you’ to ‘stay a while longer’ but what he said instead was “have fun,” Pete had to stop himself from rolling his eyes “I mean-”

Patrick laughed, though “you’re so cute. I’ll see you around?”

Pete just nodded and watched Patrick turn to leave. He felt weird just watching him go so he walked over to the bonfire. He sat down and laughed along with the rest of the counselors but for the rest of the night, he felt like he was choking on his own tongue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another very late upload, I know, but I have classes to pass. Hope you guys are still enjoying this! This chapter was really fun to write. Please leave me some comments and kudos to keep me motivated!


	12. Chapter 12

Pete couldn’t sleep that night. He watched the clock numbers grow higher, back to zero, and higher again until it was midnight. Depending on your viewpoint, the next day had started and he’d missed out on a night of sleep. He sighed and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling and then out the window at the dark sky freckled with stars you couldn’t see from the city. He pulled sneakers and a sweatshirt on, double-checking that his sweatpants didn’t have any holes before stepping outside (not that anyone else would be out at midnight).

He wasn’t sure when his midnight walk took him to the stables but from a distance, he could see lights still on. Patrick had said they’d talk later, maybe if he couldn’t sleep either they could talk without any interruption. Pete silently padded across the hay-dusted concrete floor until he found Patrick polishing (though he wasn’t sure if that was exactly what it was” a bridle in a shed tucked behind the barn. Patrick jumped and spun around when Pete opened the door. “Holy shit, Pete,”

Pete tried not to laugh “sorry, saw the lights and-”

“I thought you were a serial killer or something you asshole.” Patrick dropped the rag and hung up the bridle before leaning against Pete “wait,” he looked up at Pete “you saw the lights from the cabins?”

“Well, I was already on a walk, figured you might want company.”

“You should be asleep,” Patrick said, stepping back. It wasn’t until Patrick was a few more feet away before Pete realized just how close they’d been “don’t you have work tomorrow?”

“Don’t you?”

Patrick picked the rag back off the floor only to toss it into a bucket “I was just finishing this up,”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Pete admitted.

Patrick hummed somewhat sympathetically, somewhat curiously “and how exactly do you want me to help with that?”

“You said if I was ever feeling reckless I should come by and go on a night ride,”

Patrick grinned “I suppose I did say that. Alright. Give me a minute to tack up.”

Pete wouldn’t have thought to describe Patrick as muscular but watching him lift saddles onto horses a good deal taller than him with ease made Pete second guess that. Something told Pete that there was still a good deal he needed to learn about Patrick. Despite having talked a good deal, he knew nothing about Patrick’s past or even what his life was like during the school year besides what he was studying. Patrick came over to Pete and pushed his hair out of his eyes “ready?”

Pete nodded and put his hair up into a bun to keep it out of his face as he pulled himself onto Asher’s back as gracefully as he could. Patrick politely turned his head so Pete couldn’t see that he was trying not to laugh.

“Was there anything in specific keeping you up?” Patrick asked as his horse started to walk, seemingly unprompted. Patrick turned so he could see Pete, his hands on his thighs instead of the reigns, something Pete wasn’t about to try.

“I don’t know. I’ve never slept well.”

“Well I’m usually working pretty late, you could always- if you wanted-”

“I’d - thank you. I don’t want to keep you up, though.”

Patrick smiled, “you’re not, and besides, I like talking with you.”

“Why’s that?”

Patrick laughed “well, I… I don’t really know. You’re… intriguing.”

Pete scoffed “that’s a new one.”

“How would you usually be described?”

“Douchebag is a pretty common one.”

Patrick eyed him and exhaled deeply enough that his shoulders fell a bit with his chest “this is going to hurt me, isn’t it?”

“No, I- I wouldn’t-”

Patrick smiled but there was a hit of something less happy in his eyes as he leaned over to adjust something on Pete’s saddle “I don’t mean like that. Not physically.”

“Oh.” Pete said dumbly “you say that like you’ve got experience.”

“With guys treating me like shit? Yeah, you could say that.”

Pete bit his lip, hoping he hadn’t crossed a line “can I asked what happened?”

Patrick sighed “I was gay in rural Illinois. You get the idea.”

“I’m sorry. Did you say I reminded you of your ex because I did something wrong?”

Patrick shook his head and leaned back. Madonna stopped and Asher copied “you - he was very charming.”

“Oh.” Pete rubbed his thumb over the reigns anxiously “thank you.”

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable…”

Pete would have hugged him were it not for the fear of losing his balance and faceplanting in the dirt “no, I’m sorry. Want to change the topic?”

Patrick nodded before getting down“I want to go sit somewhere, though, first.”

Pete dismounted as well and let Patrick tether the horses to a branch before following him off the trail. He felt instinctively for his flashlight but Patrick held his wrist “no, come on, it’s more fun like this.”

“What is?”

Pete could barely see Patrick shrugging in the moonlight filtering through the trees “most things are.”

Pete wasn’t sure if Patrick knew where they were as he followed him farther from the path but Patrick was still holding his wrist and he somehow didn’t feel like objecting besides asking why they were straying so far.

“Rangers do patrols at night,” Patrick answered, finally sitting down in a spot that looked just about the same as any other spot in the forest.

“So? They don’t care, we’re allowed to be out after park hours.”

“Just trust me.” Patrick tugged on Pete’s sleeve to make him sit down before letting go of him.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” Patrick asked after a second of silently staring off into the darkness.

“I can’t see shit,”

Patrick scooted closer to him until Pete could feel Patrick’s arm against his own “not what you can see. Just listen and, like, feel,”

Pete thought it sounded like a pretty hippie thing to say but after a good stretch of silence from Patrick, he started to have an idea what he meant. He could hear a stream somewhere to their left, the constant rustle of leaves from the wind and small animals, the occasional sound of a patrol buggy starting as rangers made patrols. “Thank you for coming tonight,” Patrick said, leaning his head on Pete’s shoulder for a moment.

“Thank you for taking me,”

“We should play a game,” Patrick said, shifting to sit in front of Pete.

Pete chuckled “like what?”

“I came up with playing a game, you decide the game,” Patrick grinned.

“That’s not fair, and most of the games I know are drinking games anyway.”

“We’ll improvise,”

“Okay, well…” Pete leaned back “you’re something else,”

Patrick laughed and pulled gently on the strings of Pete’s hoodie “new idea,”

“What is it?”

“You show me your tattoos and I tell you they’re hot.”

Pete laughed and usually would have rolled his eyes if it wasn’t Patrick but… instead, he pulled off his sweatshirt and straightened up.

Patrick was quiet but put one hand on Pete’s arm, Pete couldn’t see but he could assume Patrick’s eyes were scanning his arms and torso. “I have another idea,”

“You’re just full of ideas tonight, aren’t you?”

Patrick nodded and moved back a bit.

“What’s your idea?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Pete was going to politely decline, to say he was straight, to say he wasn’t interested, put his sweatshirt back on and get up, but those thoughts apparently didn’t get to his brain fast enough because instead, he kissed Patrick. There was even a moment where he thought Patrick had been the one to kiss him but, no, he’d been the one to lean forward and kiss the other man. He’d also been the one to move forward and shift onto his knees so he could comfortably rest his hand on the small of Patrick’s back. After a moment, Patrick slid his hands up Pete’s chest and pulled back. Pete couldn’t see whether Patrick was blushing but he could feel his own face heat up.

“I’m sorry,” Pete mumbled.

“Why are you sorry?” Patrick asked, “I brought it up and it was - well - enjoyable to say the least…”

“I’m not gay, though,”

Patrick let out an exasperated sigh like he’d done this before “I’m sorry but that’s bullshit. I’m so fucking tired of guys flirting with me and kissing me and fucking fucking me just to pull the whole ‘oh I’m not gay’ card. You’re right, Pete, you’re not gay, but you’re sure as fuck not straight, either. Straight guys don’t kiss like that. You don’t need to stay if you’re not interested or not ready but don’t tell yourself it’s because you’re straight.”

Pete blinked for a minute. Of course, he knew bisexuality and pansexuality and probably more identities existed but he hadn’t really considered that to be him. He had no issue with other people who were attracted to multiple genders but that just wasn’t him. But then there was Patrick. He thought for a long while of what to say and Patrick let him have that time for himself but when he couldn’t figure out the right thing to say, he decided to just kiss Patrick instead because if he was being honest, he hadn’t been ready for that first kiss to end earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Posting? Unheard of.  
> Also, the moment we've all been waiting for!  
> Please leave some comments and kudos because they bring me joy (and send me emails that remind me to write).


	13. Chapter 13

Pete sighed as he watched sunlight creed over the slight curve of Patrick’s waist where he was laying on his side and watching the sunrise. Pete moved his hand to rest just above Patrick’s hipbone, his hips were smaller and his waist less curved than a woman’s but not unappealing. Pete would have loved to say that they’d spent that evening figuring things out but in reality… there hadn’t been a lot of talking at all. They hadn’t slept together, Patrick had been determined that he would give Pete time to get used to things before going any further than kissing but Pete at the moment had been pretty convinced he was ready.

“When are you going back?” Patrick asked, his hand resting on Pete’s before he sat back up, twigs in his hair until Pete brushed them out.

“Probably soon. I’ll visit you again soon, though,”

Patrick laughed and kissed Pete, never for as long as Pete wished, though “you’re such a romantic. How will you survive being on opposite ends of the state if you can’t handle being across the park?”

“I won’t. Patrick?” Pete was mainly joking but he also knew he fell too hard too fast for his own good and a part of him meant that… that made him nervous.

Patrick dusted himself off and stood up “yes?”

Pete stood as well “can you not say anything?”

Patrick gave Pete a quick hug “of course not. Not yet. You should tell your friends eventually, though, but in your own time.”

Pete followed Patrick through the forest, it looked so different in the day, he had no idea how Patrick could find his way back to the path. Patrick offered to take the horses back so Pete could head straight back to camp to get showered before breakfast.

When Pete sat down at the table Gabe moved closer to him “you okay?” He asked in a hushed voice and Pet knew he must have looked really awful if Gabe wasn’t making fun of him openly.

“Couldn’t sleep. I’m fine.” Technically that wasn’t a lie.

No one else said anything about how tired he looked, maybe it wasn’t as bad as Pete thought but more likely, no one had the heart to tell him. Pete downed his second cup of coffee as the cooks started packing up the counter, signaling that breakfast was over.

“You up for horseback riding today?” Lynn asked as they dropped off their trays “we could switch groups for the day if you want, I have arts and crafts.”

Pete suddenly went cold as he worked through his schedule in his head. It was Monday. He hadn’t even thought about seeing Patrick today. He had, despite what he said that morning, been hoping to think through some things before seeing him again. Instead of taking Lynn up on her offer, though, he just yawned and shook his head “I’ll be fine, I don’t feel as bad as I look. Thank you, though,”

She didn’t reply, just gave him a small smile that told him she knew more than he had told her which he supposed probably wasn’t wrong. He walked over to where his group was gathering by the door. If any of them noticed how tired he was, they didn’t notice, elementary schoolers weren’t known for their emotional intelligence or perceptiveness.

Pete was glad the campers had started their own games as they made the trek to the stables as it gave Pete some time to come up with a game plan. Should he apologize for last night? Just for keeping him up or for everything? Would Patrick pretend it didn’t happen and close off again or, worse, would he act like they’d been together for months? While he understood on some level that he wasn’t 100% straight, you can’t just shake something you’d taken as a given all your life in the course of a few hours. Not only did he have to come to terms with a new identity he didn’t even have a name for, but he also knew Patrick deserved someone who was proud of him. He wasn’t going to pry any further about Patrick’s dating history, but it didn’t sound like it was good. Pete could only imagine how many times Patrick had been told to keep things quiet and made to feel ashamed by people who were just the same as him, people who wanted to take his pride and break and warp it to the level theirs was so they felt less alone. His thoughts were cut off when they got to the stable entrance and he saw Patrick moving a set of poles around the arena. He dusted his hands on his jeans before ducking under the gate.

“Does everyone remember their horse from last week or do we have to line back up by height?”

The reply was a mix of heads nodding and shaking, a few people jumped up and yelled that they remembered which made Patrick chuckle. “I’m sure you’ll remember once you see them. Go grab a helmet and find your horse, we’ll get on in just a minute, and no switching.” Patrick pulled gently on the back of Pete’s t-shirt, his hand resting on the small of his back for a moment “can we talk?”

Pete clenched his jaw but nodded “somewhere private?”

Patrick took him into the barn and sighed “I’m sorry about last night. I was... it was inappropriate for me to move so fast when you’re so…”

Pete couldn’t meet his eyes but he tried to speak with confidence regardless “moving too fast? By the end, I thought you weren’t moving nearly fast enough. I won’t say I’m just suddenly ready to be going to pride in a leather harness,” Patrick hid his laugh behind one hand “but I’m - I’m working on it. I kind of forgot what day it was but I wanted to have myself worked out before I came back.”

Patrick smiled but his eyes looked sad (and very tired) “I’m worried you’re thinking with your dick, though, I want you to be - I -” he looked away “I just don’t want you to get hurt, it can -”

Pete cut him off by pulling Patrick closer but he didn’t kiss him, just held him for a moment with one hand on his back and one in his hair “it’s okay, can we just get through today and I’ll come to see you again when I’m ready to talk more?” Pete got the idea that Patrick’s hesitancy was less about him and more about Patrick’s own history, he respected that.

Patrick pulled away and ran his fingers through his hair “yeah, yeah, I’m good - with that, I mean. Come sit with me?”

Pete nodded and followed him back out to where the horses were lined up. Patrick helped the kids get one but with the mounting block, they managed it pretty quickly. Patrick climbed onto the fence once all the kids were walking around the arena.

“What’s with the poles?” Pete asked, coming to sit beside him.

“Cavaletti. They’re used for ground training, just gives them something new to do since we did arena work last week too. I’d usually do a trail ride but I’m a little tired.”

Pete apologized but he didn’t really feel that guilty.

“It was worth it,” Patrick leaned against him for a moment before seemingly remembering their conversation in the barn.

“Talk to me about something besides us?”

Patrick laughed softly “like what?”

“Like… I don’t know, what’s your family like?” Patrick sighed and Pete gripped the fence a little tighter “sorry, you don’t have to if you don’t want,”

Patrick shook his head “no, no it’s not like that. My dad’s great. You wouldn’t think he’d take everything so well, the whole redneck farmer ex-army thing but. I think it helps that my brother is more… traditional. He’s still in town, works at the movie theatre so my dad can see him a lot. Two kids, picket fence sorta guy.”

“That’s not you?”

“I don’t really know what I want. I feel like I need to do a whole lot more before I decide, though.”

“Do you have plans for when this is done?” Pete asked, talking of the future always put him on edge “the kids have a field trip so we could, I don’t know, I’m sure the rest of the counselors have something planned.”

“Are you saying that because you want me to hang out with your friends or because you want to get me alone?”

“I’ll take whichever I can get.”

Patrick decided to stay and finish up the work he didn’t get done the night before due to a certain distraction but promised to come by another time. Pete saw that the other counselors were out on the dock but Pete instead went into his cabin to start writing. He needed to get his mess of thoughts out before he shut down or combusted. He was able to write for nearly a half-hour before the cramp in his hand made him stop, he decided to take a nap until dinner, he definitely needed the sleep. Usually, it took him hours to get to sleep but this time he was out the minute he laid down.

When Pete joined the table for dinner, only a few minutes late, he got a few smiles but no one commented on how tired he looked this time. He didn’t want to know if he looked better or worse post-nap. Travie was recounting how his group did with rock climbing until Hayley broke in with the story of how Brendon, one of last year’s counselors, had done his tether wrong and ended up hanging upside down with his arms pinned to his sides until one of the instructors could go free him. It was nice to have a distraction from everything that was making him feel nauseous.

Once they got the bonfire started, Hayley pulled him aside and took him to the dock “Pete…” she said, pity in her voice as she sat down with him. He didn’t say anything so she continued, “what’s going on?”

He leaned against the post of the dock and shrugged “I’m just working some stuff out, I promise I’m okay.”

She took his hands “let me help? You always think you need to figure stuff out on your own until you break down, talk to me?”

He looked out at the water instead of at her “fine, just don’t say anything to anyone right now? I will I just… I don’t even know if I’m ready to hear it myself, nevermind explain it to anyone else,”

She squeezed his hands and ran her thumb over the inside of his wrists “it doesn’t have to make sense yet, you can just vent, but you’ve got to talk through things so you don’t end up with a too-small bottle of too many emotions.”

Despite the feeling that he couldn’t quite breathe properly at the thought of telling someone else what he’d been going through and doing the past twenty-four hours, Pete told her anyway. He told her everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are wrapping up! Only a few chapters left! Make sure to follow me on AO3 and/or tumblr (lupinwritings) for updates on what I'm doing next! I'd also love some comments and kudos!


	14. Chapter 14

Hayley hid her excitement well but Pete could tell even though she only nodded politely and listened, a part of her was dying to freak out. Pete was unendingly thankful, though, because he wasn’t even close to being ready for this to become a big thing. When he was done, she put her arm around him and pulled him close to her “I’m glad you told me… I’m always here if you want to talk.”

He sighed and retied his shoes just as something to do “thank you. I just don’t know what to do. Part of me says to not even - to just forget this happened, part of me says to take things slow, and part of me says to dive headfirst.”

She gave him a reassuring smile that reminded Pete of his mother “well the part of you saying to ignore it - that’s the part of you that’s scared of change but change is inevitable - and it’s good. You can’t spend your whole life trying to get back to where you were last summer because you’ll never be happy or successful like that, also if we’re being honest with ourselves, last summer wasn’t exactly perfect either. And as for the part that wants to take things fast… it’s better than ignoring it but it also might end with you getting overwhelmed and making yourself upset, it’s probably just your dick talking anyway.”

Pete laughed at the last part, she was right because of course, she was right. Hayley gave amazing advise partially because her job required a lot of listening to people’s problems and life stories and partially because that’s just who she was. “Thanks. Again. I’ll talk to him later, right now I kind of need some time away from the whole thing, though. Can we just go make s’mores?”

She nodded and helped him up. She hugged him. That was the last Pete thought about Patrick, he was too distracted by the singing, yelling, and eating that came with the bonfire. That night was another story, though.

Pete woke up feeling groggy the next morning. Despite that, he got into the dining hall before anyone else. He poured himself a near-overflowing cup of coffee before sitting down with his plate of French toast. Lynn joined him not long afterward. Seeing Lynn made something click inside Pete’s brain: he couldn’t be with both Patrick and Lynn, not that he was really with Lynn at any point but their on and off flirting wasn’t fair to anyone involved.

“Can we talk after breakfast?” He asked, his voice surprisingly steady for how he felt.

She tied off the end of her braid with an elastic “sure. Everything okay?”

Pete could tell she was nervous, of course she was, but Pete needed to say something before everyone else got in because otherwise he’d lose his nerve or forget. “It’s nothing bad, I just think we should clarify some things. I don’t read people well and want to make sure I’m not getting the wrong idea.”

She nodded and didn’t say anything until Hayley joined them. Pete wished he would have pulled her aside at the beginning of breakfast because it was one of the most uncomfortable meals he’d had and that was impressive considering some of his extended family’s cooking abilities. He was almost surprised she stayed after everyone else had spread out to their various activities. They didn’t have long since their campers were already aware that it was time to go and they were still in the dining hall, but this had to be done.

“I just wanted to say that-”

Lynn cut him off with a slightly nervous laugh and then took one of his hands “you’re so nervous. It’s okay. I can pretty much promise I won’t be mad, whatever it is.”

She let him take a breath before he continued “I’m seeing someone, and this - whatever we’ve been doing - we can’t be doing that with that too…”

He expected anger or tears or pretty much any reaction that wasn’t a smile and a nod “I’m happy for you. I wasn’t really looking for anything with you to become something more. I probably should have said that earlier since we were clearly on different pages. I only see you as a friend, so I’m happy you’ve got someone.”

Pete cleared his throat “oh, well that went better than I expected. I’ll see you at lunch?”

Lynn nodded and dropped his hand “and I’ll make sure to keep the flirting to a minimum, wouldn’t want to make anyone jealous. I suppose you’re not going to tell me who it is?”

Pete chuckled before waving his group to the door “not… not yet. I will say it’s someone you know, though.”

“That is so not fair, Wentz.”

Children never like being told to wait somewhere, especially when they know other people don’t have to wait, and especially when they’re being told to wait before going to paintball. Pete was convinced at the end of the afternoon that the campers targeted him above anyone else. The number of friendly fire incidents aimed at him was almost impressive. Even after changing into clean clothes, he was still remarkably coated in orange and blue paint. Travie suppressed a laugh when he sat down with them on the bleachers overlooking the sports field, Gabe was less kind.

“How did you - oh god, Wentz,” he laughed “did you just lie down and let them hit you?”

Pete rolled his eyes “pretty much,” he cracked his neck “is Hayley back yet?”

Travie shook his head “haven’t seen her. Lynn went to take a nap.”

“Is she okay?” Pete asked, feeling guilty for a second.

Gabe raised an eyebrow “did something happen?”

Pete clenched his jaw “no, well… I just said I was seeing someone a-”

“Back up- what?” Gabe interjected, putting his hand on Pete’s shoulder “Hayley owes me twenty bucks.”

Pete sighed and looked up at the cloudy sky “it’s not a big deal right now, I just wanted to make sure she didn’t think there was anything going on between us. Also, you were making bets on me?”

Gabe shrugged “whatever, is it someone here?”

“I’m sorry I said anything,”

Travie cut Gabe off before he could say anything, sensing that Pete wasn’t comfortable anymore “well Lynn seemed fine. Good job, man.”

“Thanks, but yeah, it’s someone here.”

“If I guess who it is will you tell us?” Gabe asked, his leg bouncing, clearly anxious to know.

“You won’t guess it but I suppose you can try.”

Gabe listed off names of female employees around the camp, Travie even threw in a few but eventually, they gave up deciding that Pete was making it up. The conversation switched to, of the women they’d previously guessed, which ones were single, which Pete didn’t mind. He found himself missing Patrick, which was an unexpected turn for him. He’d seen him so recently but… he almost asked for Gabe and Travie to watch his group but Hayley sat down with them and Pete was happy to have someone to diffuse the conversation. He didn't get to that point, though, because almost as soon as she sat down, someone slipped and skinned their knee. Everyone stood up on cue whne the crying started.

"I've got it." Travie volunteered and Hayley gave Pete and Gabe a smile before following after him to the crowd of children gathering.

“Pete, actually, could I-” Gabe started.

“I actually need to talk to you too.”

“You do?”

Gabe nodded and hopped off the bleachers. Pete followed him to the cabins where Gabe gave him a sad smile “you need to talk to Patrick.”

“Patrick?” He tried to keep his voice even “what about him?”

“I didn’t want to assume anything just because he’s gay but I was talking with him today and I think he likes you…”

Pete laughed, he didn’t mean to but he couldn’t help it. Gabe gave him a look that was somewhere between being offended and confused. “I’m serious, Pete…”

“No no, Gabe,” he cleared his throat, “the person - well, I spent some time with Patrick the other night, we talked a lot and… the person I said I was seeing, I’m seeing Patrick.”

Gabe tongued at his lip ring for a moment “huh… well I didn’t see that one coming, but good for you. You like him?”

Pete leaned against one of the cabins “I guess... yeah, shit, I can’t stop thinking about him. I’ve never felt like this about anyone, especially not a guy.”

“I didn’t even know you were gay… when did you figure that out?”

“Well, I’m not gay, I don’t really know what I am but I know I’ve liked girls in the past and I like this specific guy. I didn’t know until after I spent the night with him.”

“Well shit that’s a way to find out,” Gabe joked.

Pete laughed and rolled his eyes “not like that. We haven’t- but yeah, it’s been a weird week.”

Gabe put his hand on Pete’s shoulder “well, let me know if you need anything, I guess. I’m happy for you.”

Pete shrugged him off but smiled “yeah, I’m good, thanks for thinking of me though, earlier.”

There was an awkward minute before the sound of a fight in the basketball court got both of their attention. Pete didn’t mind being busy for the rest of the afternoon and evening. From the talk, he had to give about being a good sport to setting up for dinner and that evening’s bonfire, he was able to feel like things were normal again. That wasn’t to say he disliked how things were now, but it was nice not having to worry about it for a few hours. It wasn’t until that night when Pete couldn’t sleep that his mind shifted back to Patrick. He allowed himself to replay memories of their night for long enough that he decided he needed to take a walk. His plan wasn’t to interrupt Patrick again and it also wasn’t to spy on him, it was just to walk past the stable and see if Patrick was there, which in retrospect, would inevitably lead to one of those two outcomes. Patrick spotted him before Pete’s actions could become borderline stalkerish, though.

“You’re going to get us both fired,” Patrick said, wiping his hands off on a cloth, there wasn’t a hint of acrimony in his voice, though.

“We’re allowed to have relationships, as long as…” Pete trailed off when Patrick walked over.

“Well, whatever you had planned for tonight may have to be cut short because I am exhausted, unless you just wanted to sleep here.”

“Here?” Pete looked around the grounds briefly “I could walk you back to your cabin,”

Patrick shook his head and tossed the cloth into a bucket “no, it’s easier to just stay here, less hassle to get here and back, plus I can sleep in longer if I don’t have to walk anywhere.”

Even though Pete wasn’t planning on coming over to spend another night with Patrick, the thought of spending the night alone now made him lonelier than if he’d just stayed in his cabin. “I’ll let you get to bed, then, I just wanted to say goodnight,”

Patrick’s hands were on his waist “you walked all this way to say goodnight, did you?”

“I did,” Pete eyed him “I can’t tell if you’re upset or not.”

Patrick smiled at him “I’m not upset, I’m just not in the mood for a booty call right now, but I’m glad to hear that wasn’t your intention.” he yawned “I’m going to fall asleep right now if I don’t get to bed. Are you coming?”

“You’re okay with that?”

Patrick nodded and let his hands fall back to his sides “I’ve done a lot worse a lot faster, and I don’t plan on crossing any major lines tonight, I plan on sleeping. Maybe in the morning.”

Pete couldn’t tell if that was a joke or a serious offer but he wasn’t about to blow his chances by asking any more questions.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be aware of the rating change

Patrick took him back inside the barn and to a ladder that went up to the hay loft. Pete didn’t consider there being anything besides hay in the roof but then again, he’d never been up there. He followed Patrick up the ladder and saw that there was an air mattress, lanterns, and a huge mass of blankets in a section that was free of hay, which Pete’s sinuses were thankful for. Patrick kicked off his boots and socks by the ladder before opening a duffel bag of clothes “would you mind closing your eyes?”

Pete quickly turned around and covered his eyes with his hand, not wanting to give Patrick any reason to be worried, “this place is cool,”

Patrick thanked him while he changed into night clothes and Pete uncovered his eyes to look out at the forest. The hay loft didn’t have walls on the front or back, only the sides, so Pete could just barely see the lights from the cabins. It was pretty gorgeous with the lantern light inside and only the forest outside, part of Pete wondered if Patrick had set this up with the idea of bringing someone else back to it. Patrick interrupted his thoughts by putting his hands on Pete’s hips, just low enough and for long enough to make his heart race pick up as he turned around “hey,” he breathed without thinking about it, looking Patrick up and down.

Patrick laughed and covered Pete’s eyes again with one hand “stop looking at me like that,”

“Like what?” Pete asked, ducking out from under Patrick’s hand. Patrick ended up with his arm around Pete’s neck. Patrick just sighed and shook his head, still smiling. “How am I supposed to stop if I don’t know what I’m supposed to stop?” Pete teased.

Patrick sat down on the bed and pulled Pete’s hand to make him follow. As far as air mattresses went, it wasn’t bad, and it was the kind you blew up with a pump and not a machine so it didn’t make noise either. “Stop talking,” Patrick muttered and ran his fingers through Pete’s hair.

The asshole part of Pete wasn’t to pester him more but he decided to shut up and see where Patrick took things instead. Patrick kissed him and even though not much had changed since their first night relationship wise, Pete couldn’t help but be hyper aware of Patrick shifting closer to him and the fact that they were in Patrick’s bed. Patrick held himself up on his elbow on the bed and his hand on Pete’s chest, just enough to be slightly above Pete, it wasn’t how Pete had imagined it (and he’d imagined it a lot of different ways) but he didn’t mind. His arm was around Patrick’s waist and his hand was on the small of his back. Patrick was the one of break away first, a few moments after Pete had moved his hand from the back of Patrick’s sweatshirt to under it “you’re distracting.”

Pete let himself relax and laid back down fully “what am I distracting you from?”

“From sleeping,” Patrick smiled, laying down on his side so he didn’t break eye contact.

Pete pulled the blankets over him and took off his t-shirt “go to sleep then.”

Patrick rolled his eyes and put his hands back on Pete, one on his chest and one on his hip. Pete was well aware he wasn’t the most toned guy in the world, especially not with camp keeping him out of the gym, something he didn’t do enough even when he was back in the city, Patrick’s didn’t complain though “five more minutes?”

Pete scoffed and pulled Patrick closer before kissing him. He put up a good front when it came to this, he didn’t let on that if he thought too hard about the feeling of Patrick’s stubble on his face or the subtle (or not to subtle as things continued) differences in Patrick’s body shape from what he was used to still made his throat feel a little too tight. He enjoyed the feeling of kissing Patrick, he couldn’t deny that, and he was attracted to him but he was still waiting for part of his brain to catch up.

Patrick seemed to sense Pete’s tension coming to the surface once he straddled Pete’s hips. He rolled back off and put some distance between them “sorry, I’m not used to trying to take things slow. I’m trying not to overwhelm you.”

Pete curled his toes at the thought of Patrick holding back because he was worried about hurting his feelings “I’m okay. I want to be a little overwhelmed. Easier if I just jump into the deep end.”

Patrick looked at him for a moment before he spoke “I don’t know if that analogy fully applies here… are you sure?”

Pete nodded “I’m just still catching up to where we are, I got too in my head about it.”

Patrick balanced himself on one elbow again but didn’t say anything, just looked at Pete for a while before shifting to look outside.

Pete ran his fingers over Patrick’s arm “is everything okay?”

“I’m just trying not to do something you’ll regret.”

Pete had a feeling that this was less about what he was feeling and more about something Patrick was projecting onto him. He kissed Patrick’s hair “you won’t, I’ll tell you if I’m uncomfortable, I know you won’t be upset, I promise I’ll tell you.” Patrick still didn’t react besides humming softly in response “we can sleep on it if you want, see how we both feel in the morning?”

Patrick looked over at him and smiled “you’re really cute. You’re sure you’re okay?”

Pete nodded “I’m sure, just tell me what you want to do and I’m fine with it,”

Patrick was more hesitant when he kissed him this time, it took him a good while longer for him to end up on top of Pete again, Pete didn’t mind, though. He appreciated Patrick’s hesitancy because each time Patrick did something again he got a bit more used to it. His hands were comfortably on Patrick’s hips and he was secretly begging for him to move them even though he also recognized that taking too many steps at once would likely result in him closing off again when Patrick moved his hands from Pete’s hair and neck to the bed on either side of him so as to hold him up “we need to stop,” he said, sounding out of breath.

Pete leaned up to kiss Patrick’s neck “why’s that?”

Patrick groaned either out of annoyance or pleasure, Pete didn’t care which as long as Patrick wasn’t telling him to stop “because we both have work in a few hours and - Jesus, Pete, stop that.” He lightly tugged Pete’s head back but he was still smiling, “you’re a nuisance,”

Pete let Patrick pull his head back onto the pillow, not minding that for a moment he was pulling a bit too hard “you know, it’s better to pull an all nighter than get less than three hours of sleep.”

Patrick kissed along Pete’s jawline before rolling off of him “then I guess we should get to sleep so that we can get those three hours in?”

Pete smiled and kept his arm around Patrick as he got back under the blankets “goodnight,”

Patrick rolled over to face away from Pete and to switch off the electric lantern but interlaced their fingers after he did “goodnight.”

Pete didn’t get to sleep for a while after Patrick did. Being exposed to the outdoors made the noises of the forest even more distracting. He could hear every branch shift in the wind and under the feet of animals but more than that, he could feel Patrick’s every breath and subtle shift in his sleep. He didn’t know how much sleep he got but it definitely wasn’t enough.

The sunrise woke him up, something that he always thought would be relaxing but it was frankly pretty anger inducing since he usually would have gotten at least another hour of sleep. He was going to close his eyes and try to get back to sleep until he felt Patrick shifting against him. Sleep be damned. Patrick inhaled sharply when Pete kissed just below his ear but his eyes remained closed. Pete wondered for a moment if he was actually awake until he mumbled a quiet “good morning” and arched his back a bit to stretch. Well, at least he played it off like he was stretching.

“How’d you sleep?” Pete mumbled into Patrick’s shoulder.

Patrick didn’t answer, instead preoccupied with rolling over and kissing Pete. Pete tried not to think about how much he probably could use a mint and definitely not about how Patrick was close Patrick was pressed against him. Patrick was occasionally letting out soft hums and breaths that Pete desperately wanted to keep hearing but he forced himself to pull away to check his watch. If he wanted to get back to camp in time to shower and catch the tail end of breakfast, he’d only have an hour. Patrick wasn’t making budgeting time easy, though, as he nudged under Pete’s jaw and ran his fingers along the waistband of Pete’s sweatpants. He caught Patrick’s eyes and decided he’d worry about work later. “Are you like this every morning?”

Patrick blushed and bit his lip, that was too cute to be accidental, “sorry, when do you need to leave?”

“Not yet,” he kissed Patrick briefly “don’t worry, I like when you’re like this. Besides, I started it.”

Patrick laughed “I guess you did.”

They made out until the sun was fully up and Pete had shifted on top of Patrick without even meaning to. One of Patrick’s legs came to wrap around Pete’s hips and Pete’s hand that wasn’t supporting part of his weight was toying with the strings of Patrick’s sweatpants. Patrick lifted his hips slightly in a way that Pete could tell it wasn’t intentional and Pete broke away “where do you want to take this? Because I really don’t mind if you want to stop, but… fuck, that sounds so douchey,”

Patrick grinned and pushed his hair out of his face “no, don’t stop unless you want to, I’m good.”

Pete would have stayed making out and letting Patrick grind on him for hours if he had time but he was all-too aware of the fact that they were on a time limit and needed to move things along if they wanted to get anywhere. “Show me what to do?” he mumbled, not used to being unsure in bed. Sure, he had a general idea as to how gay sex worked, but the details as to how to make it enjoyable… that was another question.

Patrick shifted to sit up a bit more and kissed him “just tell me how you’re doing, what you like and stuff,”

Pete clenched his jaw despite his best efforts to stay relaxed as Patrick’s hand moved into his pants “if past experience has taught me anything, I won’t be able to fucking shut up,” he said, mainly to distract himself from the fact that Patrick’s hand was so close to - and then as he abruptly finished talking, on his dick.

Patrick stroked slowly and glanced up at Pete occasionally, it would be better with lube and no pressure of time but even so, Patrick’s wealth of experience was showing. He used his free hand to push down Pete’s sweatpants enough that he could see what he was doing while Pete moved his hand to the front of Patrick’s pants “holy shit, baby…” he wasn’t sure where the petname came from but he wasn’t really functioning enough mentally to worry about it “give me something to do for you,”

Patrick laughed, not in a mean way, in the perfect way that made real sex a thousand times better than anything scripted “you’re adorable,” Patrick breathed against Pete’s neck as he used his free hand to guide Pete’s hand into his own pants. Pete was sure he was a lot clumsier than Patrick but as soon as he had his hands on him, Patrick was whining right into the crook of his neck and he was pretty sure it was Patrick’s voice just as much as his hand that finished him off. He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut as he came, momentarily forgetting about looking after Patrick until his high subsided.

“You’re amazing,” Pete mumbled, pushing Patrick back onto the bed and picking his strokes back up. Patrick’s eyes were closed and he was moaning now, one hand tangled in Pete’s hair. Pete tried not to think too hard about how much more stamina Patrick had than him as he came in Pete’s hand, he also tried not to think about the fact that he had another man’s cum on his hand because he wasn’t sure he was quite ready to come to terms with that yet.

Patrick rebounded surprisingly quickly, grabbing a towel from underneath his duffel bag and wiping his hands before handing it to Pete “fuck, Pete…” he panted and closed his eyes again “go shower, I’ll see you tonight,”

Pete hated to get up but he knew Patrick was right, he only had another half hour to get back and ready and the walk alone took twenty minutes. “I’ll see you then?” he pulled his pants back up and tried his best to wipe his hands off.

Patrick nodded and sat up to kiss him quickly before he got up “you can use my shower, I have more time than you do.”

When Pete says he made it just in time, he wasn’t kidding. Hayley was checking her watch while her and Pete’s groups hung back in the dining hall. Pete had showered in the barn bathroom and then ran back to the cabin to grab clean clothes. “Sorry I’m late,” he put his hair up into a bun once he jogged over to Hayley.

“You scared us!” she whispered a bit harshly “none of us had a clue what happened to you!” She looked him over “what did happen to you?”

“I will tell you later but I promise you, I’m fine.” He sighed and waved his group over “thank you for covering for me, really.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really late because I have midterms coming up and have been procrastinating everything in my life by watching tiktoks all day every day. I don't know what I'm doing. I hope you like this chapter though.
> 
> Leave me kudos and comments if you like it so I stay motivated please.


	16. Chapter 16

Arts and crafts was probably the best of the possible options for an activity today, it was mainly just about not falling asleep long enough for the kids to notice and wander off or eat the art supplies. They were decorating picture frames to take home the picture of everyone at the end of the month. It was crazy that they were wrapping up the second week of the first month. Even though there were still ten weeks left, he could already tell that the summer would fly by and then it would be back to the real world. And it was probably Hayley’s last summer here with her business taking off like it was. He wondered what would happen to him and Patrick once the summer ended as well, if they were still together they’d be all the way across the state with busy schedules. Once Travie came back with his team from their canoe trip, he came over while his team members were showering and changing into dry clothes before team building games.

“You had us all pretty freaked out this morning. Everything okay?”

Pete nodded “I’m good, just didn’t get enough sleep.”

Travie helped Pete gather paintbrushes and markers as the kids put the finishing touches on their frames “do you need us to cover for you?”

Pete instinctively shook his head, he wasn’t one to ask for help with this stuff, especially because it was entirely his fault. “Thanks but I’m okay. I’ll maybe just duck out from the bonfire early if I really start crashing. I just slept through my alarm because I didn’t get to sleep until late,”

“Uh-huh,” Travie eyed him for a second and Pete dusted off his jeans self consciously as if something in his appearance might give away what had actually happened last night. “Well, we’re just all glad you’re okay. Hayley was pretty close to calling the director when the rest of us left so I guess you made it just in time.”

That would have made his morning a whole lot worse, he guessed that some higher being might not be trying to completely fuck over his life if he was able to avoid having to explain to his boss why he was late. Team building games were one of the easier afternoon activities. “Team building” was a loose term, he wasn’t really sure how Marco Polo, Simon Says, and four square were meant to increase anyone’s teamwork but the kids had fun regardless. The lack of things for Pete to do besides break up the occasional argument left him with plenty of time to scan the tree line for Patrick. 

Of course, Patrick only said he’d visit tonight - and Pete wasn’t sure how his body would handle another night with little to no sleep but he didn’t mind finding out - but that didn’t stop Pete from still hoping Patrick would come visit during his free time. Now that he thought of it, he had no idea what Patrick did during this time of the day between his lessons and dinner, Pete also didn’t know what Patrick did for dinner or in the evenings when he was alone. He’d felt like after that morning, he knew Patrick so well, but he really didn’t know much about him. He knew that he was from rural Illinois, studied music history and education and the University of Illinois, had an accepting father who was a farmer and brother who worked at a movie theatre, but besides that, Patrick’s life was a mystery. He wanted to know the types of movies he liked and what he did when he was bored and what his guilty pleasure songs are and every other minor detail that Patrick kept hidden.

Hayley pushed Pete playfully to get his attention but in his state of exhaustion and distraction, it almost knocked him over.

“Wow,” she said, “you really are tired.”

He steadied himself and shrugged “I’ve been worse, I just zoned out.”

She lowered her voice and glanced over to make sure none of the kids were within earshot “don’t tell me the reason you were up all night is that you were with Patrick.”

Pete laughed and looked back at his group, hoping to avoid the subject.

Hayley knew him too well for that to work “you did, didn’t you? Pete, god, I should have known,”

Pete looked back at her “are you mad?”

She shook her head “no, it’s none of my business who you’re fucking, I just - every year you do this and then get hurt. You fall for people you just met and then when things change, you can’t handle it.”

“Don’t make this about Ashlee, this is different.” He sighed, he wasn’t sure it was that different now that he said it.

“I hope for your sake it’s not. Just don’t let him become your whole world after one night. Do you even know if he wants a long term relationship? For all you know he’s just looking for a one-night thing or a summer fling, can you really handle that if he says he doesn’t want to see you after you’re back home?”

Pete didn’t answer because the only things he could say would either be him lying or admitting he had absolutely no clue what was going to happen next which was pretty terrifying. Pete’s spontaneous nature led to a long history of impulsive choices followed by him not handling change well. It was his fault at the end of the day. Last summer he’s chosen to enter a relationship that he knew would end at the end of the summer but his knowing that didn’t make his breakdown at the end of it any easier.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring her up.” Hayley took Pete’s hand for a moment and squeezed “I just don’t want to see that happen to you again.”

Pete nodded and looked out over the lake, he was pretty sure if he looked at her right now he’d get emotional “I know, I’m worried about it too. I just don’t want to scare him off by moving too fast and asking questions like that.”

“You’ll have to ask at some point. If he doesn’t give you the answer you want… then what?”

“I don’t know… it’s a lot more complicated than just yes or no… but I’ll ask before the end of the summer.”

He could feel her eyes on him even though he was looking elsewhere “what makes it more complicated?”

“He could say he doesn’t know, or that he wants a relationship but doesn’t want to be in danger when he goes home, or that he wants an open relationship and you know that I can’t handle that right now, or fucking anything else. What do I say then?”

This time it was Hayley’s turn to stay silent.

Pete brought his guitar back out for the bonfire that night. After forty-five minutes of Mr. Tambourine Man, When I’m Sixty Four, Puff The Magic Dragon, and Take Me Home Country Roads, and several other songs the campers had led themselves, the kids had all tired of singing and were instead talking among themselves and coming up with ghost stories. When there were only a handful of campers left outside, Pete excused himself back to his own cabin. On the walk back he decided that he should call his parents and his sister but as soon as he got inside and saw his bed, he ended up under the covers and going through the movies he had downloaded on Netflix.

He was part-way through Mean Streets when someone knocked on his door. He begrudgingly locked his phone and got up. When he opened the door he expected it was a camper or even another counselor asking for help with something but instead Patrick stood with his hands in his pockets.

“I didn’t wake you up, did I? Sorry I’m so late.”

Pete shook his head and laughed softly if Patrick only knew how difficult it was to find him actually asleep. He had forgotten that Patrick had said he’d come by today, though. “No, I was just watching a movie.” He stepped to the side “are you just visiting or staying the night?”

Patrick shrugged and closed the door behind him “whatever you want.” Pete bit the tip of his tongue and glanced down. “Everything okay?” Patrick prompted after a moment.

Pete looked back up “yeah, yeah I’m good. I just… this part is always weird. I feel like small talk is lame.”

“Then let’s skip that,” Patrick leaned against the dresser “what do you really want to talk about?”

Pete hummed “I don’t know, huh…” he exhaled “what were you thinking about when you walked over here?”

Patrick laughed and took off his baseball cap “honestly, I was worried that you would be busy.”

Pete sat down on the bed and left space for Patrick, who stayed standing. Pete wasn’t going to push it. “I’m pretty much never busy.”

“Well then what are you usually doing when you are busy?” Patrick prompted.

“At home, I play music a lot. I guess I go to parties a lot, well, not a lot, sometimes though. And I have a habit of going for night drives.”

“Will you let me see your band play sometime?”

The hint Patrick made almost went over Pete’s head but he realized - if Patrick wanted to see his band play once he picked back up in the fall, then that meant they’d still be at the very least talking. “Of course, I’m not sure exactly what I’m doing but once I figure it out, sure. Are you gonna be our first groupie?”

Patrick finally sat down on the bed and Pete relaxed a bit “is it still a groupie if I only want to sleep with one band member?”

Pete blushed “thanks for this morning, by the way…”

Patrick grinned and kissed Pete quickly “don’t mention it. You’re doing okay and all then?”

Pete hadn’t thought too hard about last night or that morning but then again he’d been actively trying to distract himself, which probably wasn’t the best sign. “I’m getting used to it.”

“I really don’t want you to regret any of it, but if you do,”

Pete cut him off “I don’t regret it.”

Patrick shook his head “if you do, though, I want you to tell me.”

Pete leaned his forehead against Patrick’s “I will.”

Patrick looked at him for a minute, his blue eyes searching for something within Pete’s but Pete hadn’t the slightest clue what he was looking for, maybe a sign that Pete was lying. Patrick eventually dropped his gaze and instead focused himself on running his fingers along the seam of Pete’s jeans near his knee.

“What are you thinking about?” Pete asked cautiously.

Patrick looked back up and pushed his hair back, looking a little surprised “it’s nothing. I’m just spacy tonight.”

“You’re adorable,” Pete muttered and slip his hand onto the back of Patrick’s calf where he had moved it onto the bed.

Patrick cocked his head a bit “you sound… I don’t know, nervous.”

“I’m not,” Pete lied “I’m just still getting used to everything. It was less real before last night I guess.”

“It takes a while to get used to everything.”

“How long did it take you?”

“I’m still getting used to it. Last night I was so scared someone would see us and judge me for being with you.” He sighed and leaned against Pete, kicking off his shoes to pull his legs up “I don’t mean that in a bad way, just, it’s a process. You have good and bad days.”

“What’s today then? Good or bad?”

Patrick shifted to lay down. The twin bed wasn’t made for two people and was probably picked on purpose to keep staff out of sexual relationships. “It’s good. It’s easier not being out in the open.”

Pete nodded and laid down beside him. He was hyper-aware of how Patrick’s legs were tangled with his and how Patrick shifted even closer when Pete laid an arm over his waist “I liked last night.”

“I did too. You’re a pretty great distraction.”

“Distraction from what?”

“Sleeping. Can I be honest with you right now?” he didn’t wait for an answer “as much as I love talking to you, I kind of just want to make out with you for a while.”

Pete laughed and cupped Patrick’s jaw with one hand, the other still around his waist “then do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost done with this story! I'm going to miss this fic a lot but I have a bunch of other ideas already so follow me on here or on tumblr so you know what I'm up to next!
> 
> Kudos and comments keep me motivated!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma be honest, this is pretty much just smut. Enjoy, fuckers

Patrick rolled off Pete after he had no idea how long to catch his breath. Pete tried not to focus on the way Patrick’s face and neck were red or the way his breath shook as he laughed softly. Pete rolled back onto his side “what is it?” He asked.

“Just give me a second. Also,” Patrick reached over and put his hands on Pete’s belt “can I take this off?”

Pete shrugged “go ahead.”

Patrick unbuckled it and pulled it off before kissing Pete “it was uncomfortable. Thanks.”

“Won’t complain about you undressing me. Speaking of which, do you care if I sleep in my boxers? I need to do laundry tomorrow.”

Patrick’s hands moved to the front of Pete’s jeans “no complaints.”

Pete laughed and pulled his jeans off “Christ, you’re something else.”

“Ew,” Patrick yawned “you sound like my dad.”

“You’re not into that?” Pete teased and pulled off his shirt.

Patrick rolled his eyes “shut up. Speaking of which, any weird fetishes I should be aware of?”

Pete clicked his tongue as he thought which made Patrick laugh quietly “no, I think it’s a little early in our relationship to discuss my raging piss kink. You?”

Patrick rolled his eyes “not that. You’re awful.”

Pete laughed and rolled back onto Patrick “that’s not your thing?”

Patrick playfully pushed him back as Pete kissed his neck “I hate you, stop,” Pete glanced up to make sure he was still kidding and smiled when he saw Patrick grinning.

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure I want you to shut up about-”

Pete kissed him to cut him off “anything else you want me to stop?”

Patrick wrapped his arms around Pete’s neck “no, the rest is good. Keep that up.”

Pete smiled and kissed him again until Patrick was whining under him. Patrick was the one to break away first “hold on, hold on,” he breathed shakily and tilted his head back “how far do you want to go tonight?”

Pete chewed his lip “I don’t really know, I like this part.” This was the part he knew. He knew how to make out and grind on someone but after this was when he was in uncharted territory besides that morning.

“We can just do this for a while longer if you want.” Patrick offered but Pete knew what those blown-out pupils and the near-constant shifting of his hips meant.

“I could go farther if you want, you’ll just have to guide me along.”

Patrick shook his head “I don’t want you to do anything because it’s what you think I want.”

“What if it’s what I want too?”

Patrick hesitated, scanning Pete’s face for any sign that he was lying, “do you have a condom?” he asked, after a second.

Pete reached under the bed and grabbed an unopened box “I came prepared.”

Patrick laughed and sat up, holding Pete’s chin as he kissed him “why do I get the feeling you’ve done this before?”

“Sex?”

Patrick laughed “well, yeah, I was meaning sleeping with someone from work, though.”

Pete tensed his jaw “it’s happened a few times.”

Patrick didn’t seem to mind “am I gonna be another notch on your bedpost?” His voice wasn’t harsh, though.

Pete shook his head and kissed Patrick quickly “of course not. I just have a habit of dating emotionally unavailable people.”

Patrick laughed “yeah, same. Anyway, um.” he chewed his lip for a moment and then took a breath “sorry. How do you want to do this? I can bottom if you want, that can be a lot for your first time.”

Pete wasn’t one to turn down sex in pretty much any way he could get it and he also wasn’t one to not do something that would make his partner feel good but he was also grateful that Patrick wasn’t making him do that right away. “Just tell me what you like.”

Patrick shifted onto Pete’s lap “you’re a smooth motherfucker. Just let me handle things and tell me if you need anything, okay? Also, any chance you’ve got lube?”

“Under the bed,” Pete muttered, watching Patrick. He was way over his head again but didn’t care.

Patrick closed his eyes and exhaled for a second, clearly relieved as he reached down to grab the bottle.

“Do you want me to prep you?” Pete asked, trying to sound confident.

Patrick chewed his lip “um... if you want to, yeah. Not really a skippable thing.”

Pete shifted Patrick’s pants down his hips until Patrick rolled off of him to take them all the way off “I’ve done anal before, just… with a girl.”

Patrick rolled his eyes as he pulled off his boxers “you’re one of those guys, huh?”

“It was her idea.” He shrugged and pulled Patrick closer by his legs, making the other man squirm “are you going to keep that attitude the whole time?”

Patrick rolled his eyes “yessir,”

Patrick laughed and kissed Patrick’s neck while he pumped lube onto his hand “tell me if it hurts, okay?”

Patrick nodded and arched his back as Pete slipped two fingers into him “fuck, okay, a warning would be nice next time.”

Pete bit the inside of his cheek and let Patrick do the moving for a minute while he got used to it “sorry. You okay?”

Patrick nodded and pulled Pete down by his hair to kiss him “I’m good, just curl your fingers a bit more?”

Pete did as he was told and watched and Patrick squeezed his eyes shut and chewed his lip, whining softly, only opening his eyes to make eye contact as he nodded when Pete asked if he was okay. Patrick kept that up for a few minutes until he let out a soft moan and arched his back “fuck, fucking hell, fuck me.”

Pete laughed and pulled his hand back “you’re adorable. Holy shit.”

Patrick wiped his forehead and nodded towards the condom box “you still good?” He asked, running his hand down Pete’s forearm “we can still stop any time if you need.”

Pete shook his head as he got a condom out of the box and took his boxers off “I’m so good, Patrick, I promise. You’re okay?”

Patrick nodded and squirmed slightly “never been better. I’m not rushing you, am I?”

Pete kissed him and stroked himself a few times before rolling the condom on “you’re fine, I promise. Are you ready?”

Patrick shifted to let Pete settle between his legs “more lube, then yes.”

Pete did as he was told before slowly pushing in. He stopped to get used to the feeling and to let Patrick catch his breath half-way in, his forehead resting on Patrick’s shoulder, until Patrick whimpered softly and mumbled a quiet “keep going.”

Pete pushed the rest of the way in and Patrick squeezed his eyes shut but still kept him gripped tightly with his legs to Pete guessed he was still enjoying it as he slowly grinded into him. Pete moaned as he moved, he could feel Patrick’s legs start to shake as he increased his pace a bit more. Patrick tangled his fingers in Pete’s long hair and kissed him. The whole thing was uncoordinated and a little too loud for being in a poorly insulated cabin but by the time Pete was reaching between them to replace Patrick’s hand and jerk him off as he came, neither of them cared about if someone heard them. Pete kissed Patrick deftly as he came as well until Patrick whined in discomfort and pushed gently at Pete’s hip “too much,” he muttered and closed his eyes. 

Pete pulled out and threw out the condom as they both came down off their orgasms “you okay?” he breathed.

Patrick nodded and reached over to grab Pete’s hand “what about you?”

Pete squeezed his hand “I’m great. You’re amazing.”

Patrick chuckled and opened his eyes through he looked like his mind was still very far away “so are you. You’re so good. And cheesy.”

“I’m gonna go to sleep now,” Pete mumbled and yawned.

Patrick laughed and kissed him “goodnight, pretty boy.”

Pete pushed the box of condoms and the bottle of lube off the bed and wrapped his arm around Patrick. He didn’t have the mental capacity to think much of the nickname, he probably wouldn’t have minded it though, even if he had the brainpower to notice it. He fell asleep letting Patrick work out the tangles he’d made in his hair.

Pete almost fell back asleep as Patrick sat up until he realized that Patrick was getting up and why was he getting up? “Leaving?” He managed to mumble, still partially asleep.

Patrick rested his hand on Pete’s neck for a second “no, just stretching. Go back to sleep.”

Pete was up now, though “do you think we were moving too fast?” He asked, sitting up.

Patrick looked at him, concern in his eyes “do you?”

“I don’t know,” Pete said honestly “I liked it I just… I don’t want this to be all this is.”

Patrick sighed and leaned against his chest “it won’t be unless one of us makes it like that, and I don’t want it to be. I’m too tired for a deep conversation right now, though.”

Pete smiled and held Patrick. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table: 4:36AM. He laid back down and watched Patrick squeeze back in between him and the wall “do you think we could keep this up after this summer?”

Patrick kissed him between his eyes “we’ll talk about it in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More plot next chapter, I promise


	18. Chapter 18

Pete was vaguely aware of the body beside him for a while after he regained consciousness but he wasn’t really paying attention to what was happening around him besides how comfortable his bed was until his alarm clock went up, making both him and Patrick jerk awake.

“Fuckin’... shut up,” Pete mumbled, throwing one arm over his eyes and the other over to shut the alarm off.

He felt Patrick relaxing beside him again “I guess that’s my cue to get going.”

Pete groaned “and mine to get up too. Five more minutes?”

Patrick yawned and sat up “I need to get set up before… and shower, god,”

Pete moved his arm and opened his eyes. In the sunlight, Pere could see Patrick better than he had last night, bedhead and all. “Okay,” he sat up “can I see you tonight?”

Patrick looked at him and smiled after a second “I can come over after the bonfire again.”

Pete bit the inside of his cheek “do you want to come over for the bonfire this time?”

Patrick kissed him “okay.” He got out of bed and pulled his sweatpants back on “I’ll see you then.”

“One more thing?”

Patrick laughed and turned back around to face him, one hand still on the doorknob “yes?”

“You said we could talk about what happens next this morning.”

Patrick let his hand fall and nodded “yeah, I guess I did. Um, I mean, you’re in Chicago, right?”

Pete nodded, his heart in his throat, he knew where this was going “I’m like… all the way across the state, Pete…”

Pete knew this is the part where he was supposed to walk away, say he couldn’t deal with another breakup, but he couldn’t “we don’t have to keep doing anything. I just wanted to know.”

“I hope I didn’t freak you out.” Patrick’s eyes were on the floor.

“No, of course not, I wasn’t really expecting… I’m used to it.”

Patrick eyed him “what do you mean?”

Pete sighed and looked up at the ceiling “just… I’ve had relationships end at the end of the summer before and I… I kind of get attached fast…”

“Is that what you want?”

Pete looked back at him. Patrick was standing a little awkwardly, his hands behind his back, leaning back on his heels slightly “I mean… I like being around you. I like how this feels. It won’t work if you don’t want that, though, it’s okay.”

Patrick came back over and climbed into Pete’s lap “I’m a fucking idiot, holy smokes,” Patrick had his hands in Pete’s hair again “I f- I thought you didn’t want to keep this up. I really want this to - I want to see where this goes.”

Pete stared at him for a second, letting his brain catch back up. “So… this isn’t just a summer thing?” He moved his hands onto the back of Patrick’s thighs when he shook his head.

“I can’t say what’s going to be going on with both of us at the end of the summer but for now, yeah, I want to see where this goes.”

Pete spent a lot of his future time thinking about all the things he could have said here, ranging from romantic to witty to sexual, but instead he just kissed Patrick - Patrick didn’t seem to mind.

Archery gave Pete some time to come to terms with what he was planning to do that night. He ran through lines in his head while he watched the instructors keep the children from shooting anything besides the targets or bales of hay surrounding them. Did he just say “this is my boyfriend”? No, introducing Patrick would be weird because, of course, they all knew Patrick. He could just kiss him but that would probably be awkward for everyone involved. He could do the cliche “hello everyone, we have an announcement,” but that was stupid and made it sound like they were a middle-aged white couple. He finally decided on a line that he was happy with, although he wasn’t happy with the fact that it took all of archery and most of the afternoon before he had that epiphany. He was setting up for dinner when he finally decided he was happy with it and stopped trying to come up with something new.

During dinner, Pete finally found the distraction he was looking for in Gabe and Travie compared tattoos and then Travie sketching Hayley a tattoo on a napkin. He couldn’t quite get distracted enough to not feel the thudding of his heart in his chest and throat. He could hear the generic “take deep breaths” in his head but that wasn’t exactly practical at the dinner table as it would likely attract some odd looks. He excused himself early to set up the bonfire, Hayley followed him.

“Hey,” she grabbed his hand. He spun around and she handed him the blowtorch “you forgot this,”

Pete smiled sheepishly and relaxed, apparently visibly “thanks.”

“You okay?” She asked.

He shrugged “yeah, it’s fine, just thinking things over still.”

She was quiet for a second “I went for a walk this morning and, uh, ran into Patrick. You handling things okay?”

He closed his eyes and tilted his head back “I’m getting by. It’s weird. It’s like one second I’m thrilled about everything and then the next I feel like I wish I’d never even - I don’t know. It’s not like I... “

She gave him and sad smile and hugged him. She didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. She helped him set up the bonfire and listened to him talk. He didn’t regret meeting Patrick or anything they’d done, not for a second, but a part of him missed when things were easy before. He didn’t have to worry about this before.

Pete was distant for most of the campfire, his eyes scanning the edge of the forest for Patrick. He started the evening scared that Patrick would show up and ended it worried he wouldn’t. It was while he was putting away the s’mores stuff that he heard Lynn say “hey, Patrick. Everything okay?”

Pete spun around and caught Patrick’s eye. He wasn’t wearing his usual work clothes, he had a clean navy flannel and jeans that were free from dirt and rips and sneakers - and an honest to god straw hat. A younger Pete never would have believed he could find that attractive but on Patrick… “hey,” he said, his mind going blank despite those hours of thinking about what he’d do at this point.

“Hey.” Patrick smiled “hope I’m not too late to the party. One of the horses had a limp and -” he cut himself off “anyway, figured I’d swing by.”

“We were just hanging out for a while before going to bed,” Hayley said, clearly picking up at Pete didn’t have a strong hold on the situation.

“Thanks,” Patrick said and sat down, glancing at Pete who caught the hint and sat beside him.

They made small talk for a minute, Travie asking about what horse had been limping and where Patrick had started riding. Pete interrupted the conversation when Gabe got up to take things back to the kitchen “okay, um, before you do…”

He got several uneasy looks, clearly he didn’t seem like his normal self. Patrick gave him a nervous look as well. “Are you okay with me… you know?” He asked Patrick.

Patrick clearly tried to hide a smile but Pete could see the reassuring look in his eyes “whatever you need is fine with me.”

Pete took a deep breath and looked at the fire before glancing around the circle of his friends “so, um, I came to a - I realized this week that. Um. So I guess I’m not straight?” 

Everyone looked at him for a second, except for Patrick, who was looking just about anywhere else so Pete continued “so, um, I actually asked Patrick to be here tonight because, you guys can connect the dots here, we’re I guess a thing now.”

There was a second where no one knew what to say. Gabe ended it by congratulating them both and telling Patrick he should come to more things now that he was “an official member of the group.” Things after that started to click back into place. He had his friend group back and didn’t have anything to hide from any of them and he had Patrick with him too. He got a lot of hugs that night before he went back to his cabin after an hour of chatting like nothing had changed. No one questioned it when Patrick stayed over at Pete’s cabin that night - or any of the other nights that summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things sure seem pretty wrapped up, don't they?
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos to let me know what you're thinking, they keep me motivated


	19. Epilogue

Pete laughed as he laid down next to the computer screen. Patrick was somewhere off-screen, muffled cursing coming through the FaceTime audio. “You okay?”

Patrick reappeared on the screen, a grin plastered on his face and he pointed to his shirt, which displayed an ironed on picture of Pete’s EP, which had come out that month with the help of Patrick’s production knowledge. “What do you think?”

Pete grinned and would have given anything to have him there in person “that’s amazing, babe. Is Andy home?”

Patrick sat down on his bed and pulled his computer over “no… why?”

“Just curious.” they hadn’t discussed the topic of phone sex but Pete was getting real close to asking, three months apart was way too long.

“Mhm, sure you are. How’s the tour coming?”

“It’s good,” Pete looked around his shitty motel room which he was sharing with his bandmates, although they were making a trip to the liquor store at the moment “it’s fun getting to play all the time, I can’t wait ‘til we have something better than … I miss you, though,”

Patrick rolled his eyes “I miss you too. Where are you?”

“Utah. You know what there is to do in Utah?”

Patrick thought for a second “chase tumbleweeds?”

“Brothels. You know I really love you because I am here instead.”

Patrick scoffed “I love you too, asshole. How was the drive?”

“Uneventful. We saw a coyote, though, that was kind of cool.”

Patrick hummed and laid down, Pete was lucky that Patrick didn’t say anything for a moment because all Pete could focus on was how his shirt rode up on his stomach a bit when he stretched out “yeah? How are you holding up having the guys around all the time?”

“They hook up with people most nights so I get a decent amount of time on my own, actually.”

Patrick looked at something off-screen “you could too if you want,”

“I don’t want to, though. It’s only another week until I’m back home and then I can visit you on the weekends.”

Patrick grinned “I have a break coming up, five days off with the weekend. You could stay with me since Andy is going home. I’ll get all my work done in advance so…”

Pete hummed “I can’t wait.” The door to the hotel room opened and Pete’s already drunk bandmates stumbled into the room. Pete gave Patrick an apologetic smile “I’ll call you tomorrow?”

Patrick held up a notebook that he’d been ignoring in favour of talking to Pete “I’ll be here.”

  
  


Pete didn’t lie to Patrick except on very rare occasions, like when he said that he didn’t know when he was going to be home and didn’t know why Patrick was so upset about him not being able to call that weekend. Truth was, Pete knew exactly when he would be back in Illinois because their last shows had been canceled due to a storm that was causing flooding throughout the midwest, he insured Patrick that their shows wouldn’t be affected, though, and he also knew that that weekend was the six month anniversary and that Patrick didn’t want to bring it up because as far as he knew there was no way Pete could make it back for it. Pete knocked on Patrick’s door and hoped he was home so that he wasn’t a) waiting outside in the freezing cold or b) presenting a bouquet of flowers to Patrick’s roommate. He was in luck, though, because it was a very surprised looking Patrick who opened the door.

Pete almost got knocked into the snow by the force of Patrick’s bear hug “Pete!” he squealed as he wrapped his arms around Pete’s neck “oh my god, I thought - oh my god.”

Pete grinned, pressing his face into Patrick’s neck “I wasn’t going to miss our anniversary.”

Patrick pulled back and covered his face with his hands when Pete held out the flowers “just come in, you must be freezing.”

Pete chuckled as he followed Patrick into his dorm “okay, mom.” He set the flowers down on Patrick’s desk and sat down with him on the bed “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Patrick grinned and took off Pete’s gloves so he could hold his hands “what happened to your shows?”

“Flooding. I wanted to surprise you.”

Patrick leaned against him and laughed, “I should have known, really, that you’d do something like this.”

Pete shrugged off his coat and wrapped his arms around Patrick’s waist “I love you.”

Patrick grinned “I love you too.”

Pete kissed him and didn’t stop until Patrick got up to lock the door.

-

_ I’m going to start journaling more often now, I’m starting to think this next part of my life will be worth looking back at. How cheesy is that? _

_ I decided not to go back to camp this summer. Patrick, his roommate, and a friend of theirs are starting a band and they need someone with connections and a bass player. I called the old crew today, something I should have done a long time ago. Lynn and Gabe are going back, Gabe for his last year because he’s saving up to buy a house with his fiance next year, never thought I he’d be the one to settle down first. Lynn is doing well, she asked me a lot about writing and said she was thinking about publishing poems in her free time so I guess I’ll be proofreading the ones she emailed to me after this. Travie is working with a nonprofit to teach art at elementary schools, he seems really excited about it, he also has a daughter on the way, he’s going to be a great dad even though he doesn’t know it yet. Hayley is moving to LA to help the new location of her salon get on its feet, she promised to visit before she goes, though, and made me swear that Patrick and I would find a way to get a tour location in LA so she could see us play.  _

_ Mom is thrilled since I told her I’d be bringing Patrick home for part of the summer this year while we get the band started, she absolutely adores him almost as much as I do. Andy and Joe (roommate and friend) are coming down in three weeks, which gives Patrick and me some time on our own. I want to show him the city and all but more than anything, I just want to have him living with me. It’ll be our one year anniversary then, he’s taking me back to his hometown for that - it only seemed fair since he’d be in my hometown all summer. He says his dad wants to teach me how to fish but I’m pretty sure that’s dad code for “I’m going to threaten to kill you if you break my kid’s heart” and fortunately for all of us, I have absolutely no intention to. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all folks.
> 
> It's been amazing getting back into writing. The support you guys have shown is absolutely amazing and I can't thank you guys enough. I'm going to be posting a new fic tonight, although it is not bandom related but if you want to keep up with me either follow me on AO3 or tumblr (lupinwritings). Thank you for everything. Peace out yall.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've written on this account but I do have a writing tumblr that you should follow (lupinwritings). I'll be honest there won't be a schedule to this, so you should subscribe if you enjoy it so you know when I post. I'll try and do updates around once a week but it all depends on what's going on with my classes. It would make me super happy if you leave me a comment, I'll take constructive criticism or questions, pretty much anything you want to say as long as it's not mean. I try and write a few chapters ahead but not so far ahead that you can't make suggestions so leave those too if you want! Anyway, hope you enjoyed!


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